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growth health and wellbeing self esteem, personal development, motivation, acceptance

How learning to say no can build on your assertiveness, help to reduce stress and your people pleasing tendencies!

Sharing an old post of mine as it’s so important to remember this ❤️

Are you a people pleaser?

Do you find it hard saying no? Leading to overwhelm and stress from putting other peoples needs before your own?

Oh I could write so much about this topic!

You see, the thing is, I was a people pleaser, and when I look back to who I was 10 years ago: I cringe to the point where my face resembles a tomato (now that’s red)

The beauty about writing this post, is acknowledging the fact of how far I’ve come. Back in my people pleasing days and not being able to say no; low self-esteem and lack of assertiveness were definitely contributing factors to my people pleasing tendencies – therefore causing me stress. Do you relate to this? Exhausting isn’t it?

Overcoming people pleasing

So how do you learn to say no more? Am I now the master of saying no? Absolutely not, and you can’t say no all the time. But, it’s all about finding that balance and what suits you. But if you listen to your gut and know it doesn’t feel right; then it’s ok for you to set those healthy boundaries and say no.

Fear

With me it was “fear” of an awful argument breaking out (I’m not particularly fond of confrontation and would always build up how I really felt inside; the worst thing you can do) and would rather go ahead, stress the hell out of myself and plough along with appointments, get togethers, and making other people happy.

I remember a time where I was utterly exhausted (with working full-time and studying for a degree part-time) arranged to drive an hour after work to meet a friend to watch a play she was in, and all I wanted to do was rest and recharge my own batteries. Oh I went to that play and looking back, this lovely friend would have been ok If I said no (it was all down to my fear of an awful argument breaking out) 

Assertiveness and finally saying no!

The one person who needs your approval most is yourself. Start building on that relationship

Learning to say no, inner work and mindful practices

So how do you say no without feeling terribly guilty and stressed to the hilt?

  • Start to work on yourself first, listen to your gut and take your time. Start working on being more assertive.
  • Practice mindfulness to connect with your inner self (whatever mindful practices helps you). I’ve been doing so much of this and with that self-awareness, you tap right into your true inner self – reducing those stress levels. You might not be into mindfulness but it can help to reduce stress and be more in the present moment
  • Write it out (journaling is great for writing down those thoughts/emotions)
  • Practice breathing exercises; a great tool for stepping back and reconnecting with yourself.
  • Work with a coach or mentor to gain the right tools to help with your assertiveness.

It gets easier

Yes, learning to say no is hard, but the more you say it, the easier it gets over time and the less stressed/anxious you will become.

When I look back on a time where I was a big people pleaser, I just wasn’t aware I was doing it, and thought it was normal practice to get people to like you; seeking approval.

People pleasing is a trait many people have, for others saying no is so much easier.

Concluding thoughts

Remember to look out for you first. The more you work on yourself; then learning to say no and not pleasing others will become easier. It’s all about finding that right balance. Heck, I’m a Libra myself, and I work with those scales every single day.  Growing, learning, self-awareness and building yourself up to reach that balance.  Growth is a constant journey. You never stop learning/progressing/growing. And take your time with moving forward. You owe yourself that!

Do you want go become the best version of yourself for you and your loved ones?

Do you feel you are constantly pleasing others and putting their needs before your own?

Please do comment and share your views. I would love to hear.

It really is ok saying no. You and your wellbeing are always priority!

Be kind to yourself and keep moving forward at your own pace!

By Bernie Egerton

Bernie is a well-being life coach, clinical Hypnotherapist and writer. She helps with stress, confidence and low self-esteem. Helping you to gain clarity in a warm, focused, non judgemental and friendly coaching environment (online). You deserve to feel happier, stronger and confident in your abilities going forward!
Check out www.bernieegerton.com for details on her coaching services!

13 replies on “How learning to say no can build on your assertiveness, help to reduce stress and your people pleasing tendencies!”

I think that most of us have been there. So this is relatable. Thanks for opening up like this. But you’re in a good place now. I am so sure this post will go a long way to help those who are still locked in this the sad circumstances.
Your post is a gem. Thank you. I wish you more growth. I wish you miracles.

Liked by 1 person

I totally relate. Once you make it that far, there is no turning back. I’m happy for you.
Enjoy your weekend 🙏💙

Like

Hi
I think totally related. Once you Start step by step growing. Very nice written post. Beautiful written in line ” The one person who needs your approval most is “yourself “.Start building on that relationship ” Have a good Sunday

Liked by 2 people

Ha. This is the bane of my life. I’ve realised that my disappointment with self stems from the fact that I can’t stand people not liking me, which in turn stops me from standing up for myself, which sucks. Long journey ahead of me. Thanks for this post for the great reminders though!

Liked by 1 person

Oh I hear you Stuart! I think the older you get the more you realise how putting yourself first is priority. And it’s ok to do that. Awareness to my people pleasing tendencies was a good start to my journey. Thanks Stuart and keep up your great work with the writing (I always enjoy reading your posts) 🙂

Liked by 1 person

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