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How learning to say no can build on your assertiveness, help to reduce stress and your people pleasing tendencies!

Sharing an old post of mine as it’s so important to remember this ❤️

Are you a people pleaser?

Do you find it hard saying no? Leading to overwhelm and stress from putting other peoples needs before your own?

Oh I could write so much about this topic!

You see, the thing is, I was a people pleaser, and when I look back to who I was 10 years ago: I cringe to the point where my face resembles a tomato (now that’s red)

The beauty about writing this post, is acknowledging the fact of how far I’ve come. Back in my people pleasing days and not being able to say no; low self-esteem and lack of assertiveness were definitely contributing factors to my people pleasing tendencies – therefore causing me stress. Do you relate to this? Exhausting isn’t it?

Overcoming people pleasing

So how do you learn to say no more? Am I now the master of saying no? Absolutely not, and you can’t say no all the time. But, it’s all about finding that balance and what suits you. But if you listen to your gut and know it doesn’t feel right; then it’s ok for you to set those healthy boundaries and say no.

Fear

With me it was “fear” of an awful argument breaking out (I’m not particularly fond of confrontation and would always build up how I really felt inside; the worst thing you can do) and would rather go ahead, stress the hell out of myself and plough along with appointments, get togethers, and making other people happy.

I remember a time where I was utterly exhausted (with working full-time and studying for a degree part-time) arranged to drive an hour after work to meet a friend to watch a play she was in, and all I wanted to do was rest and recharge my own batteries. Oh I went to that play and looking back, this lovely friend would have been ok If I said no (it was all down to my fear of an awful argument breaking out) 

Assertiveness and finally saying no!

The one person who needs your approval most is yourself. Start building on that relationship

Learning to say no, inner work and mindful practices

So how do you say no without feeling terribly guilty and stressed to the hilt?

  • Start to work on yourself first, listen to your gut and take your time. Start working on being more assertive.
  • Practice mindfulness to connect with your inner self (whatever mindful practices helps you). I’ve been doing so much of this and with that self-awareness, you tap right into your true inner self – reducing those stress levels. You might not be into mindfulness but it can help to reduce stress and be more in the present moment
  • Write it out (journaling is great for writing down those thoughts/emotions)
  • Practice breathing exercises; a great tool for stepping back and reconnecting with yourself.
  • Work with a coach or mentor to gain the right tools to help with your assertiveness.

It gets easier

Yes, learning to say no is hard, but the more you say it, the easier it gets over time and the less stressed/anxious you will become.

When I look back on a time where I was a big people pleaser, I just wasn’t aware I was doing it, and thought it was normal practice to get people to like you; seeking approval.

People pleasing is a trait many people have, for others saying no is so much easier.

Concluding thoughts

Remember to look out for you first. The more you work on yourself; then learning to say no and not pleasing others will become easier. It’s all about finding that right balance. Heck, I’m a Libra myself, and I work with those scales every single day.  Growing, learning, self-awareness and building yourself up to reach that balance.  Growth is a constant journey. You never stop learning/progressing/growing. And take your time with moving forward. You owe yourself that!

Do you want go become the best version of yourself for you and your loved ones?

Do you feel you are constantly pleasing others and putting their needs before your own?

Please do comment and share your views. I would love to hear.

It really is ok saying no. You and your wellbeing are always priority!

Be kind to yourself and keep moving forward at your own pace!

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Following your passions and dreams without worrying about what others think!


Hello there you!

Does worrying about what others think stop you from fulfilling your passions and running after those dreams? Are you tentatively playing it safe?

In life when you constantly worry about others (apart from your little ones of course, that’s inevitable) then you are pushing your own needs, capabilities, talents and growth right to the back of that pile!

Just think of these questions for a few minutes:


• When was the last time you came out of your comfort zone and did what you wanted, now I mean what you really wanted: what your heart craved?
• Did you consult others and worry about what they thought and how they would react?
• How did it feel coming out of your comfort zone?
• Does fear always hold you back?


Don’t let the noise of others opinions

Drown out your own inner voice

Steve Jobs

Just go for it

Life is too short, you need to grab that bull by the horns, follow your passions/dreams and don’t care about what the next person thinks. As long as you are kind, respectful and honest with yourself and others: then the rest will follow. Trust me.

Work hard to achieve those passions/dreams (it won’t fall into your lap by the way) but also at a pace that always feels comfortable for you! What’s the worst thing that can happen?  If it doesn’t work out, at least you can say you gave it your best shot.

Letting go of fear

When I first started writing I felt so good from pouring my heart out with my pen onto that paper or typing onto the notes app (its so therapeutic). But I held back a lot too. I didn’t publish my articles/poems anywhere at the start. Why, you may ask? Because I wanted to play it ‘safe’. I always had others in my mind and how they would feel. I had that ‘fear’ of being judged/rejected. When I stopped this thought pattern (through working hard on myself and my own needs) followed my gut, and was completely honest with myself, respectful and kind, then the rest flowed. I haven’t looked back.


It’s fine to celebrate success

But it is more important to

Heed the lessons of failure

Bill Gates

I’ve still so much to learn when it comes to following my passions in life, but I make sure I constantly move forwards (no matter how small or big those steps are). Taking a step back is ok too, to recharge those batteries and to check in with yourself.

Being self-aware

Self-awareness, knowing your strengths and weaknesses and believing in yourself; will help you to realise how much wasted energy and time is put into what others would/might think (heck, you’re not a mind reader and it’s none of your business what people think. Is it?)

You will gain more clarity when you focus on your own needs. And, the clutter in your mind that has stopped you from moving forward (fear and what others think) will eventually reduce.

Food for thought

Where will you be in 100 years time? Exactly. That ship will have been well docked. Wouldn’t it be lovely if you had the most fulfilling, breath-taking journey that you could have imagined when you followed your heart? Yes, there will always be choppy waves along the way: but that’s life.

It’s how you manage those curveballs, continue on, become stronger, and the lessons you learn (learning should never stop by the way)

And, always stay humble.

You will be surprised at how it will all flow, when you trust in the process. Just go with it.

And finally

You need to believe in yourself, follow your intuition, work hard and to keep learning. Remember, learning from your mistakes is always a good thing! You get back on that horse and keep going.

Success doesn’t mean you have to achieve something huge. It can be the smallest of things that brings that smile to your face or if you want to aim high then go for it.

Remember. You hold that key firmly in your hands!

Thank you for checking out my post and please feel free to comment with your own thoughts on what helps you to pursue your passion in life?

Have a great day 🙂