Now, If anyone had told you this time last year that sticking a gigantic cotton bud up your nose, and swirling it around your tonsils was the new normal; you wouldn’t believe it and would’ve laughed your head off! Well here I am, giving a detailed account through an instruction type poem of my experience (overall it wasn’t that bad) of such a test. We all need a bit of lightheartedness right now!
Pilot Home Testing Kit
Covid-19 test arrives in the post.
Instructions pamphlet (here we go)
DIY flat cardboard box the size of an Ipad.
Small clear plastic bag and a slightly larger bio hazard bag (scary)
Swab (a gigantic cotton bud, note to self – DO NOT insert into ear)
Pretty lilac cap test tube with saline solution and barcode (so cute)
I wash my hands thoroughly for 20 seconds as instructed.
I unwrap and place the gigantic cotton bud swab into the back of my throat (thrilling)
Rub each tonsil 5 times (as instructed, trying so hard not to gag of course).
Best bit to come…
I Place the gigantic cotton bud swab into nostril and twist while
going as far up as I Can (lovely)
I sneeze about twenty thousand times before washing my hands yet again!
Unscrew pretty lilac cap, place swab into tube with clear solution –
while snapping end off (as instructed, just so you know)
Place into clear plastic bag, seal, then place into scary bio hazard bag.
Register barcode online to register your name and details (why of course)
Fiddle about assembling the small cardboard box while flustered/annoyed. Place bag with pretty lilac cap test tube, and swab into box (while flustered/annoyed after assembling).
Attach security label and seal with a kiss (maybe not)
Skip to the nearest priority post box, and post.
Two days later I receive a text:
“Your test result is negative” (Woo hoo)
“You did not have the virus when test was done” (oh ok)
Pilot home testing kit complete.
I will not be included as a daily figure stat.
I cough –
(A mummy trying to stay sane
during a global pandemic!)