How are you feeling today and do you manage to get a bit of self-care into your daily routine?
Self-Care is an expression thrown around so much these days isn’t it? But, it really is a practice you should incorporate into your daily life.
For me, I feel so much better after a 30 minute walk surrounded by nature, should it be in the park, or anywhere with plenty of greenery. I enjoy walking in a nice quiet environment! I always feel refreshed after a brisk walk as it clears my mind. Throughout a walk it gives me time to reflect on things, to admire the beauty of nature and to just be with me!
If you work in an office, even taking a 15 minute walk outside for some air during lunch can make all the difference. It’s about getting into a little habit.
What form of Self-Care do you enjoy?
Self-Care can mean absolutely anything, it can be sitting reading a good book uninterrupted for 20-30 minutes. It can be playing your favourite instrument, meditating or going for a swim. Even a walk on the beach or taking time out to enjoy your favourite cup of tea/coffee without the rushing about. Oh, do I love sitting down with that obligatory chai latte. Something so simple can be so powerful; when you let it! Anything that makes you feel happier/relaxed.
Dedicating time for you
Starting a habit that focuses on your needs should become priority; and a good habit at that. We live in a world where life can be so busy and we often forget to put our own needs first. If you are in a constant state of ‘rush’ then you find it hard to focus on what you really want/need. Even 20 minutes each day will make all the difference as you are becoming aware of your needs. After a while it will become habitual.
To build a habit, you need to practice it.
Make it easy
If you find you are feeling a bit overwhelmed/stressed at times then take a step back and concentrate on your breathing. How does your breathing feel? What is worrying you?
Inhaling deeply (filling those lungs) and exhaling slowly a few times should help you to connect with yourself and to feel more relaxed. It’s so simple and yet again, powerful!
Remember: YOU are always priority and taking that time out to practice Self-Care every day is so important for your physical and emotional well-being. Think about what it is that YOU enjoy. How can it become a habit? Could it be a 20 minute walk during lunch. Could it be reading a good book or sitting down and being completely present with that hot cup of tea/coffee. Whatever it is; make it a habit going forward. You owe it to your body and mind. Learn to become more self-aware and to tap into what makes you feel good. It really is about the simple things in life.
Sharing an old post of mine as it’s so important to remember this ❤️
Are you a people pleaser?
Do you find it hard saying no? Leading to overwhelm and stress from putting other peoples needs before your own?
Oh I could write so much about this topic!
You see, the thing is, I was a people pleaser, and when I look back to who I was 10 years ago: I cringe to the point where my face resembles a tomato (now that’s red)
The beauty about writing this post, is acknowledging the fact of how far I’ve come. Back in my people pleasing days and not being able to say no; low self-esteem and lack of assertiveness were definitely contributing factors to my people pleasing tendencies – therefore causing me stress. Do you relate to this? Exhausting isn’t it?
Overcoming people pleasing
So how do you learn to say no more? Am I now the master of saying no? Absolutely not, and you can’t say no all the time. But, it’s all about finding that balance and what suits you. But if you listen to your gut and know it doesn’t feel right; then it’s ok for you to set those healthy boundaries and say no.
With me it was “fear” of an awful argument breaking out (I’m not particularly fond of confrontation and would always build up how I really felt inside; the worst thing you can do) and would rather go ahead, stress the hell out of myself and plough along with appointments, get togethers, and making other people happy.
I remember a time where I was utterly exhausted (with working full-time and studying for a degree part-time) arranged to drive an hour after work to meet a friend to watch a play she was in, and all I wanted to do was rest and recharge my own batteries. Oh I went to that play and looking back, this lovely friend would have been ok If I said no (it was all down to my fear of an awful argument breaking out)
Assertiveness and finally saying no!
The one person who needs your approval most is yourself. Start building on that relationship
Learning to say no, inner workand mindful practices
So how do you say no without feeling terribly guilty and stressed to the hilt?
Start to work on yourself first, listen to your gut and take your time. Start working on being more assertive.
Practice mindfulness to connect with your inner self (whatever mindful practices helps you). I’ve been doing so much of this and with that self-awareness, you tap right into your true inner self – reducing those stress levels. You might not be into mindfulness but it can help to reduce stress and be more in the present moment
Write it out (journaling is great for writing down those thoughts/emotions)
Practice breathing exercises; a great tool for stepping back and reconnecting with yourself.
Work with a coach or mentor to gain the right tools to help with your assertiveness.
It gets easier
Yes, learning to say no is hard, but the more you say it, the easier it gets over time and the less stressed/anxious you will become.
When I look back on a time where I was a big people pleaser, I just wasn’t aware I was doing it, and thought it was normal practice to get people to like you; seeking approval.
People pleasing is a trait many people have, for others saying no is so much easier.
Remember to look out for you first. The more you work on yourself; then learning to say no and not pleasing others will become easier. It’s all about finding that right balance. Heck, I’m a Libra myself, and I work with those scales every single day. Growing, learning, self-awareness and building yourself up to reach that balance. Growth is a constant journey. You never stop learning/progressing/growing. And take your time with moving forward. You owe yourself that!
Do you want go become the best version of yourself for you and your loved ones?
Do you feel you are constantly pleasing others and putting their needs before your own?
Please do comment and share your views. I would love to hear.
It really is ok saying no. You and your wellbeing are always priority!
Be kind to yourself and keep moving forward at your own pace!
Does worrying about what others think stop you from fulfilling your passions and running after those dreams? Are you tentatively playing it safe?
In life when you constantly worry about others (apart from your little ones of course, that’s inevitable) then you are pushing your own needs, capabilities, talents and growth right to the back of that pile!
Just think of these questions for a few minutes:
• When was the last time you came out of your comfort zone and did what you wanted, now I mean what you really wanted: what your heart craved? • Did you consult others and worry about what they thought and how they would react? • How did it feel coming out of your comfort zone? • Does fear always hold you back?
Don’t let the noise of others opinions
Drown out your own inner voice
Just go for it
Life is too short, you need to grab that bull by the horns, follow your passions/dreams and don’t care about what the next person thinks. As long as you are kind, respectful and honest with yourself and others: then the rest will follow. Trust me.
Work hard to achieve those passions/dreams (it won’t fall into your lap by the way) but also at a pace that always feels comfortable for you! What’s the worst thing that can happen? If it doesn’t work out, at least you can say you gave it your best shot.
Letting go of fear
When I first started writing I felt so good from pouring my heart out with my pen onto that paper or typing onto the notes app (its so therapeutic). But I held back a lot too. I didn’t publish my articles/poems anywhere at the start. Why, you may ask? Because I wanted to play it ‘safe’. I always had others in my mind and how they would feel. I had that ‘fear’ of being judged/rejected. When I stopped this thought pattern (through working hard on myself and my own needs) followed my gut, and was completely honest with myself, respectful and kind, then the rest flowed. I haven’t looked back.
It’s fine to celebrate success
But it is more important to
Heed the lessons of failure
I’ve still so much to learn when it comes to following my passions in life, but I make sure I constantly move forwards (no matter how small or big those steps are). Taking a step back is ok too, to recharge those batteries and to check in with yourself.
Self-awareness, knowing your strengths and weaknesses and believing in yourself; will help you to realise how much wasted energy and time is put into what others would/might think (heck, you’re not a mind reader and it’s none of your business what people think. Is it?)
You will gain more clarity when you focus on your own needs. And, the clutter in your mind that has stopped you from moving forward (fear and what others think) will eventually reduce.
Food for thought
Where will you be in 100 years time? Exactly. That ship will have been well docked. Wouldn’t it be lovely if you had the most fulfilling, breath-taking journey that you could have imagined when you followed your heart? Yes, there will always be choppy waves along the way: but that’s life.
It’s how you manage those curveballs, continue on, become stronger, and the lessons you learn (learning should never stop by the way)
And, always stay humble.
You will be surprised at how it will all flow, when you trust in the process. Just go with it.
You need to believe in yourself, follow your intuition, work hard and to keep learning. Remember, learning from your mistakes is always a good thing! You get back on that horse and keep going.
Success doesn’t mean you have to achieve something huge. It can be the smallest of things that brings that smile to your face or if you want to aim high then go for it.
Remember. You hold that key firmly in your hands!
Thank you for checking out my post and please feel free to comment with your own thoughts on what helps you to pursue your passion in life?
So, you’re scrolling through FB or Insta, having a little old harmless browse – next thing you know you compare yourself to others and your mood suddenly changes (oh boy have I been there) you just keep torturing yourself, checking out profiles, switching to auto-pilot and scrolling: making yourself feel worse! Does this sound familiar to you?
It’s not surprising why you feel bad after a browsing session when it comes to social media. Selfies are plastered everywhere, filters are on hand and those perfect (well edited) life snaps are shown. The “like” button has also become gold to so many people. The list is endless. On the other hand, however, social media can be a great platform for promoting your business, sharing your creativity, highlighting important issues and raising awareness on so many important causes/subjects.
We’re in a time where everything is done online now and working from home is so much more common since the pandemic.
When my relationship with social media started
When I first became acquainted with FB back in 2007 (yes I’m over 40) I have to admit I loved it. Social media was a new way to connect with others. I loved checking into places, posting photos of my hols, dinner (I know) and basically sharing the snaps I “wanted” the world to see. Oh did that soon change.
When Social Media becomes unhealthy
Now, when I look back, social media was not one bit healthy for my mental well-being. When the novelty of this new platform had worn off I was comparing myself to others, and my self-esteem dipped whenever I was scrolling. Do you find your mood changing when you’re scrolling for eternity? Yep, we’ve all been there! My goodness I remember well before mobiles and the Internet and managed quite well. In todays world, don’t you feel lost if your phone isn’t attached to those hands? I’m so much more mindful these days with social media and deleted my personal social media accounts many years ago (I just had to and feel much more happier/content) I still have FB and Insta, but more for hobbies and work.
You’re in a time where social media is so powerful and addictive. Selfies are huge and trying to master the right pose/look can be exhausting/stressful. Try not to compare your life (I know it’s easier said than done) we’re all unique and brilliant in our own ways. You have your weaknesses and strengths. Build on your strengths and what you enjoy doing and what makes you feel good.
According to NCHR (National Center For Health Research) 45% of adolescents have reported to being online “almost constantly,” whereas 44% stated being online several times a day. This is a huge percentage of younger people spending their time online on a daily basis – and is bound to have a negative impact to your mental well-being. However, a 2018 survey report (NCHR, 2018) has stated how 31% of adolescents found a positive impact from social media use and connecting with others. But, 25% of adolescents found social media to have such a negative impact.
Researchers have also shown how social media can disrupt sleep (NCHR, 2018) I can vouch for this myself, as I used to take my phone to bed (I stopped that years ago) put it under my pillow and if I woke during the night would have a quick check: then the dreaded scrolling started. Leave your phone downstairs at night or put it into a drawer. Get that proper nights sleep your body and mind needs.
Finding the right balance
There are positives to using social media when you get that balance right and become more aware when online. If you’re a sensitive person (sensitive person myself I may add) with low self-esteem and you find yourself feeling low after you spend quite a bit of time scrolling: then take a step back.
7tips on balancing a healthy social media life
1. Ask yourself these questions before going online:
How do I feel?
What can I do instead?
What exactly is making me feel worse?
How is this beneficial?
2. Delete apps from your phone, so you don’t have it handy to constantly check/scroll.
3. Follow positive well-being accounts, these will help you to see the positives. Follow genuine accounts focused on your wellbeing.
4. If it gets too much or overwhelming then take a little break from it. Or even dedicate a day with no social media use every week.
5. Take up a hobby you enjoy and follow accounts you have an interest in.
6. Go outdoors (leave the phone at home) Spend time in nature to recharge your own batteries and connect with yourself. There is so much beauty out there and outside of social media. Breathe in that fresh air!!
7. Become more aware of your feelings when online. Check in with yourself: ask yourself do I feel ok doing this? Set yourself a time limit when online.
Social media can be so addictive and you can spend wasted hours scrolling.
Channel your energy into what YOU really enjoy. What makes you smile? It’s ok to take a break and remember to always be kind to yourself. Step by step you can change a habit. You are more than enough. You really, really are.I feel so much happier not having a personal social media account anymore and I limit my time spent when browsing on the phone. I’m more aware when online. I channel my energies into what I enjoy, which is being with my family, writing, coaching and poetry. Talk to someone if it all gets a bit too much, it’s ok to share how you’re feeling with someone you trust – it’s not a weakness but a strength to open up (and at your own pace too)
Thank you for checking out my post and let me know what your relationship with social media is like.
Do you need to find a healthier social media balance?
Do you need the motivation and discipline to move forward with your goals?
This is a photo of myself, my race bib and my medal after I ran and completed Dublin Marathon in 2013 (I ran my first Dublin Marathon in 2010)
How did I feel? Delighted, relieved, exhausted, sore, but proud!
How did I make this happen?
I spent 4 solid months training 6 days per week, booked a few 5k and 10k races as part of my training plan and followed a great marathon book (that book was my training and nutrition coach)
Now, I was working full-time and studying part-time too. How did I manage all this and was it a bit crazy? Heck, yes it was a bit crazy, but, I planned well and followed that 4 month plan to a tee. I had a great marathon training buddy (she kept me motivated and if you’ve trained for a marathon you will know how those long runs can be very lonely on your own) and had a supportive other half!
Looking back it was hard work (results always take determination, belief in yourself and discipline) and there were plenty of times where I felt like giving up, shed tears and my confidence was knocked. But, I would always focus on the end goal and visualized myself running over that finishing line. That picture was always in my mind.
If you want it, you can fly,
You just have to trust ‘you’ a lot
When you set goals, you need to have a structured plan, believe in yourself and then visualize it.
Give yourself a pep talk!
Whenever you lack the motivation to move forward with your goals, ask yourself:
What can I do differently?
Why did I start?
How can I make this work going forward?
Running a marathon is HARD WORK and you need to put in that time and commitment. Build yourself up and pace yourself.
Like everything, most of it is all in the mind. What you feed yourself mentally certainly affects your performance.
Be kind to yourself with that self-talk!
When you put in the work, then you get results. It’s all in the preparation, believing in yourself, doing the research and being disciplined.
Keep checking in with yourself and reflect.
Plan of action and final thoughts
I make sure I follow a plan, set goals, have a clear vision and I work hard at what I set out to achieve.
Should you be training for a marathon, working towards a big job promotion, changing career, wanting to lose weight or anything that involves commitment; you need to put in the work, be disciplined, prepare, plan and visualize that end result! But, being kind to yourself too.
What changes do you need to make going forward?
How can you make that change happen?
You can do whatever you put your mind to. Believe in yourself, lace up those trainers and get starting!
How is your day going? Are you feeling rested? Would you like to gain clarity and become more relaxed, focused, confident and happier In your daily life going forward?
If you’re a regular reader of my blog, you will know I certified as a coach earlier this year. Welcome, if this is your first visit (check out my home page http://www.bernieegerton.com to read more on the coaching experience, my credentials, blog posts and testimonials) and thank you to those of you who support, encourage and read my blog. I’m always grateful for this blogging community!
To build up more on my knowledge and practical coaching experience; I’m offering 2 free (online) coaching sessions per person, In a warm, friendly, safe and non-judgemental coaching environment.
When you have a growth mindset, you are always looking at ways to improve yourself, your talents and you learn from your mistakes. You’re a sucker for learning new things. But, you’re not being too hard on yourself during the process either.
I used to be extremely hard on myself and if things didn’t go as planned, oh boy would I spend forever overthinking the situation, beating myself up; and my confidence would plummet. I believed if I wasn’t good at something, then that was it (fixed mindset).
But now, with a growth mindset I reflect on the situation, write in my journal (to process) have my own coaching (to gain clarity), take courses (learning) and practice gratitude daily
I’m constantly learning and brushing up on my skills to become better. Oh don’t get me wrong, there are days where low confidence comes knocking right on that door. I answer it, listen to it, question it; but I don’t spend time dwelling or entertaining those thoughts (not like I used to)
Personal development is huge to me, and part of my daily life. You learn, progress, reflect and grow. Every. Single. Day.
What areas need training/improving in my life?
How can I banish those limiting beliefs?
What little acts makes me feel positive?
What are my core values?
Moving forwardwhen you hit a standstill
At times we might reach a standstill with our goals; therefore struggling to move forward. Am I good enough, what’s the point; and why do I not see instant results? Do these questions sound familiar?
“Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving” – Albert Einstein
Remember, results take time – and don’t give up or lose heart. As the saying goes “Rome wasn’t built in a day” and it wasn’t. You are only human, and it’s really ok to have off days.
Get back on that horse, keep going, push through the pain barrier and remember why you started in the first place!
Visualise that end result.
How can I move forward with my goals?
Why am I losing confidence and doubting myself in the first place?
What action do I need to take?
Keep going and don’t give up!
Life is short. And, the more we spend worrying and doubting our capabilities, the more stressed we become and you avoid following your true path in life!
Change always starts with you, when you commit and believe! Keep learning, brush up on your strengths and take your time.
Believe in yourself, work from within and grow – just like that seed waiting to blossom and flourish ❤
How are you feeling today and did you get a good night’s sleep?
Are you getting enough sleep per night in general; i.e between 7-9 hrs? Are you struggling to fall asleep at the moment?
It’s tough sometimes to get the right amount, especially if you’re a new parent isn’t it? Or you could be going through other major changes in your life; should it be at work, your relationships, college or moving home.
But, getting the right amount of sleep each night is so important in order to decrease those stress levels; and to keep your anxiety levels controlled. I know myself by not getting those early nights (my youngest is an early riser!) I don’t feel myself. Your concentration is poor the next day, then you reach for the junk food and you lack the motivation to exercise or to move forward with your goals. Getting those early night’s in helps your overall wellbeing and to control stress/ low mood.
Sleep problems could cause health issues such as high blood pressure, obesity, diabetes, depression, heart disease and reduced immune system function (sleepfoundation).This is not surprising as you do reach for unhealthy options when it comes to food ( I do and I’m also too tired to exercise if I haven’t had a good night’s sleep). But, I make sure I get those 8 hrs sleep each night, so I’m more motivated/focused to eat a well balanced diet, to exercise properly and to be more productive the next day.
Research has shown:
That 40% of aged 18-24 struggle to fall asleep at night (sleep foundation)
33% of people above 55 in the UK also struggle to fall asleep (sleep foundation)
22% of people in general in the UK struggle to fall asleep (NHS)
7-19% of the overall population struggle to get enough sleep (national institute of sleep)
50-70 million Americans have chronic sleep disorders.
Sleep problems during times of stress
What problems do you experience during times of stress? Low quality sleep can affect your physical and mental wellbeing if not controlled/managed. Prolonged sleep problems can cause health problems/diseases.
Common sleep disorders
Restless leg syndrome
During times of high stress I tend to get palpitations prior to falling asleep. I’ve also experienced sleep paralysis a handful of times during my life (now, if you’re aware of sleep paralysis then you know how terrifying that can be! Not pleasant is it?)
8 ways to improve sleep(Sleep Foundation, NHS)
Avoid Caffeine (a stimulant) and alcohol just before bed (at least 2hrs) as they can prevent you from falling asleep or going into a more deeper sleep
Exercise throughout the day but avoid it just before bed
Make sure your sleeping environment is dark, relaxed and with dim lights if you prefer a light on
Put away those gadgets – I know how distracting they are. When I take mine to bed I’m scrolling and wasting valuable sleeping time (we’re all guilty of this aren’t we?) I always leave mine downstairs now.
If you’re feeling anxious, do a bit of writing before bed and let those worries out. It really helps.
Listen to a bit of relaxation music to help you drift off
Stick to going to bed at the same time each night so it becomes a habit/routine over time.
Invest in a sleep tracker if you’re really experiencing problems with sleep.
Do you like your tea/coffee before bed and can’t do without? Maybe try some calming lavender herbal tea instead – to help you drift into a more relaxed/calmer state just before bed.
We often forget how important sleep is – especially when we’re running around and busy with life. But, it really is the foundation to leading a more healthier lifestyle. When tired/exhausted you reach for unhealthy foods and that Caffeine to keep you going and you lack the motivation to exercise. Your anxiety/stress levels increase and you are more prone to health problems in the future.
Take a step back, look at how your sleeping patterns are and adapt (using these tips I’ve shown throughout)
What tips do you have that helps you with sleep?
Thank you for stopping by to check out my post. And, here’s to you having a decent night’s sleep going forward!
Are you moving forward with your goals? Or has that little seed of doubt returned? You’re losing the motivation to move on and next thing you know procrastination kicks in.
When we set goals, we need a solid plan in place, written down, and a time-frame. Realistic goals. So you can work on that action plan.
Build it up slowly
Start off in baby steps (yes build it up nicely) and work on that confidence. Believe in yourself. Do all that inner work. Work on the relationship with yourself. Get to know your strengths and weaknesses, your passions and what drives you!
Ask yourself, what exactly is my plan? How can I make this achievable?
When I set my own goals, I am more focused/clear when I actually do it step by step. Sometimes you can get too carried away and want the whole shebang overnight. All these incredible thoughts/ideas running around in our heads. The next thing you know you’re overwhelmed, and that confidence dips, oh boy does it dip. When it gets to that stage, step back and ask yourself these questions:
How can I do this in a more manageable way?
What is stopping me from moving forward right now?
What have I learned?
How do I really feel?
Set realistic goals, then reassess over time. And if you are reaching those targets, then yes aim higher, go for it. Do it. It really is all in the planning.
Using the SMART guide to help withsetting those goals
When setting goals just think of the following guide SMART to help throughout the process:
When you become stressed/anxious our body goes into overdrive. Then the procrastination starts and you are going nowhere. You are spending way too much time doubting your capabilities (I know this too well)
Sometimes, you just need to take a break, recharge those batteries and come back to those goals with a fresh outlook; raring to go again.
Each step forward counts
Even taking a step back.
I know myself when that little seed of doubt starts growing, and those weeds start sprouting; I need to ask myself ” why is this happening?”
You are only human at the end of the day. Go easy on yourself, set realistic goals. Yes, it’s great to aim high, but “slow and steady wins the race” otherwise you burn out before you even reach the starting line!
Take action, set those goals and be kind to yourself. Look within. All the answers are there!
Break it down to a manageable plan of action for you. Use the SMART guide throughout the goal setting process to help.
We all go at our own pace. Listen to your gut.
How are you doing with your goals and are you losing focus?
Thank you for checking out my post and keep going. You’re doing great.
What’s this about Hypnotherapy I hear you say? Controlling your mind, putting you into a deep trance while making you do all sorts of daft/silly things! Clinical Hypnotherapy is non of these stereotypical views.
Here’s the thing. Being a certified clinical hypnotherapist I can tell you that you always have control throughout a hypnotic state. You will always be aware, but are more focused and in a relaxed and calm state throughout.
During hypnosis, you are listening to direct suggestions (simple instructions from your hypnotist) in a guided, safe and relaxed environment with a trained professional, who wants nothing more than for you to have a good experience. However, you need to give it your full attention, and forget about those stresses in life for a short period of time.
So what exactly is hypnotherapy?
Hypnotherapy dates back to the late 18th century by Franz Mesmer and is a holistic therapy where you are working with the subconscious mind. So what is the subconscious mind? It’s basically everything that you have experienced throughout your life i.e what you have felt, seen, heard, learned and your beliefs. And, during hypnosis you are digging that little bit deeper when your mind is relaxed and the hypnotist has your full attention.
Think of it this way (you might already be familiar with Freud’s iceberg theory) and imagine the subconscious mind being the bottom of an iceberg where everything is stored and the tip is our conscious mind (current thought process, analytical thinking, aware of now, feelings of pain).
Clinical Hypnotherapy can help with certain behaviours and addictions. So how do people respond to Hypnotherapy? Around 80% can go into hypnosis, 10% are highly susceptible while 10% are non-susceptible.
By quieting your mind and learning
To induce a state of hypnosis, you can visualize
The you that you’ve always dreamed of
And make this a reality
William W. Hewitt
Hypnotherapy can be extremely beneficial to your health and wellbeing. Over a few sessions you should be able to feel the benefits completely. However, as I stated before; you have to go into Hypnotherapy wanting to change and with an open mind.
What can Hypnotherapy help with?
Remember, it’s nothing to do with the hypnotist controlling you, but gently guiding you into a trance where you are fully aware and in control at all times. It is up to you in how the experience goes.
Have you tried Hypnotherapy and what has your own experience been like? Would love to hear!
During a session, you will always be in a safe environment, and make sure the hypnotist is certified to perform Hypnotherapy!
Have a great day and thank you for checking out my post!