I’ve created a little survey (link above) with 10 questions for a project that I’m currently working on. This is also a good starting point to check in with yourself and how you are feeling at present.
Have a little go – the survey is anonymous.
If you feel there are areas that need working on after completing this survey, then please feel free to browse through my blog posts where you will find lots of tips/info.
Have a great day and keep believing in yourself and your abilities! Remember, you hold that key firmly in your hands and make 2023 the year to unlock that incredible door.
Jeepers the amount of pressure we put on ourselves to do well and at such a high standard can be detrimental to our wellbeing. Especially in todays world with social media and people competing with each other. Failing is part of the learning process, but when you’re a perfectionist it is so hard to view that outlook on life. Making mistakes really is part of being human. How do you go easier on yourself you may think? Try to be kind with your self-talk and become more aware of how you criticise yourself. This will help steer you in the right direction i.e, silencing your inner critic and loving who you are with all your flaws (heck we all have them)
When I’ve been too hard on myself Back when I was studying for my degree and coming up to assignment deadlines; I would chop and change my work so feckin much. My goodness it was never ending at the start of my studies, then procrastination would kick in big time. How did procrastination show up? I would always go on a mad cleaning spree before eventually hitting that submit button. Procrastination was in full force, my self-esteem would take a blow like nobody’s business and the stress levels were raised. Why was I feeling this way? It was fear of failing or doing absolutely rubbish. I would get flustered, feel irritable and my head would be swimming with self-doubt. However, there are times where perfectionism can be seen as a positive. Oh yes, it can make you one determined so and so and a very motivated and disciplined one at that. But, the overall effects on your health could cause a number of problems such as headaches, binge eating, anxiety and stress to name a few. It’s about being mindful, self-aware and kind with your self-talk.
Research
A meta-analysis study from Thomas Curran and Andrew Hill from 1989-2016 on college students, found that perfectionism had increased over this time due to the young individual’s living in an environment where the pressure of doing well was so high and with many also suffering from anxiety and depression. Also, the study showed how parents are more controlling than generations before. This is no surprise with social media now being a big part of our lives where the perfect life is shown on this platform every single day.
How can you find that right balance? Perfectionism and being confident with your work (while still working hard at something) are two very different things. When you are confident you can do a good job when you work hard, believe in yourself and don’t overthink things to the point of disaster: but you are being kind with your self-talk. You are happy with what you produce. If it doesn’t go as planned then you learn and grow. It’s ok to make mistakes. That’s how you learn and do better.
Learn from your mistakes and take it as feedback for future assignments, work projects, training sessions or whatever you need to improve on. I’m at a stage in my life where I’m not extremely hard on myself when it comes to areas in my life that requires improving. I ask for feedback, learn, take courses and believe in myself so to be the best person, parent and coach. When you’re a perfectionist it never feels good enough and you’re so hard on yourself to the point of raising those stress levels.
Changing your core beliefsfor a more positive outlook
Changing your core beliefs from a negative to a more positive view of yourself can help with perfectionism – as you are being kinder with your self-talk. A core belief is an idea/belief you have about yourself and the world around you. It is deeply rooted and what you firmly believe from your early childhood and how you were raised.
Here are 2 examples of what a core belief would look like and how you can change the narrative:
Core belief
“I’m no good at this and never will be. I will fail”
Change your inner dialogue to:
“How can I improve on this? Do I read more, take courses or ask for feedback/advice?”
Core belief
“I can’t say how I’m really feeling for fear of hurting someone”
Change your inner dialogue to
““I will take a few deep breaths and it’s ok to say how I’m feeling. I know holding it in can feel worse”
Practice
Maybe you are a person that wants everything to just be perfect. Chopping and changing what you’ve written over and over again as that little seed of doubt lingers and those weeds start to sprout big time. Maybe you please everyone to seem like this perfect friend, person? (when deep down you are struggling and ignoring how you really feel). You are an all or nothing type of person.
Trying to be perfect at everything can be exhausting. There really is no such thing as that word perfect.
Changing your core beliefs can make your self-talk that little bit kinder as you are giving yourself the permission and a chance to learn and grow. Helping you along that path of believing in yourself and your worth. Boosting your confidence and self-esteem. You are changing the negative thought pattern to a more positive outlook. The more you practice changing the narrative, by being aware of your negative thoughts, then it will become easier over time. It does take time, but you will get there, when you work on yourself.
Believe in yourself. Remember, nobody is perfect. Fact.
If perfectionism is taking over your life and you are really struggling, then a mentor, coach or a therapist who specialises in ***CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) can really help to give you those tools and to look at things from a completely different perspective.
*** Cognitive Behavioural Therapy is a form of therapy that uses problem solving skills to change thinking patterns and focuses on an individual’s present situation; so to move forward in their life and to help cope with difficult situations.
Are you a perfectionist?
Do share how perfectionism takes control of your life and what helps you?
How are you feeling today and do you manage to get a bit of self-care into your daily routine?
Self-Care is an expression thrown around so much these days isn’t it? But, it really is a practice you should incorporate into your daily life.
For me, I feel so much better after a 30 minute walk surrounded by nature, should it be in the park, or anywhere with plenty of greenery. I enjoy walking in a nice quiet environment! I always feel refreshed after a brisk walk as it clears my mind. Throughout a walk it gives me time to reflect on things, to admire the beauty of nature and to just be with me!
If you work in an office, even taking a 15 minute walk outside for some air during lunch can make all the difference. It’s about getting into a little habit.
What form of Self-Care do you enjoy?
Self-Care can mean absolutely anything, it can be sitting reading a good book uninterrupted for 20-30 minutes. It can be playing your favourite instrument, meditating or going for a swim. Even a walk on the beach or taking time out to enjoy your favourite cup of tea/coffee without the rushing about. Oh, do I love sitting down with that obligatory chai latte. Something so simple can be so powerful; when you let it! Anything that makes you feel happier/relaxed.
Enjoying a hot cuppa without the rush!
Dedicating time for you
Starting a habit that focuses on your needs should become priority; and a good habit at that. We live in a world where life can be so busy and we often forget to put our own needs first. If you are in a constant state of ‘rush’ then you find it hard to focus on what you really want/need. Even 20 minutes each day will make all the difference as you are becoming aware of your needs. After a while it will become habitual.
To build a habit, you need to practice it.
Make it easy
James Clear
Just breathe
If you find you are feeling a bit overwhelmed/stressed at times then take a step back and concentrate on your breathing. How does your breathing feel? What is worrying you?
Inhaling deeply (filling those lungs) and exhaling slowly a few times should help you to connect with yourself and to feel more relaxed. It’s so simple and yet again, powerful!
Connecting with nature!
Remember: YOU are always priority and taking that time out to practice Self-Care every day is so important for your physical and emotional well-being. Think about what it is that YOU enjoy. How can it become a habit? Could it be a 20 minute walk during lunch. Could it be reading a good book or sitting down and being completely present with that hot cup of tea/coffee. Whatever it is; make it a habit going forward. You owe it to your body and mind. Learn to become more self-aware and to tap into what makes you feel good. It really is about the simple things in life.
During Covid, so many of us have had time to reflect on life (I’ve been doing lots of soul searching) and to appreciate the simple things.
Practicing gratitude is something you can introduce into your life daily, to focus more on the positives in your life. However, some days it can be difficult to practice when you’re not in the mood, or life just becomes too busy and you have to dig that little bit deeper. But the benefits to your mental and physical wellbeing can be huge when focusing on the good in your life.
I started writing a journal during Covid and I finish each entry with a gratitude list; finding it helpful to be more present and focused (relieving stress and anxiety). It’s a great stress management tool.
5 Tips to help incorporate journaling and gratitude into your life.
1. Write, write, write! When putting pen to paper and writing in free flow – it helps you to process any overwhelming thoughts and it’s good to let it out. Get yourself a good journal.
2. Try not to get too focused on having to write everyday, but try to write as much as possible into your journal and always have that journal in a place where you can see it (as a little reminder to write).
3. Write a list of 3-5 things you’re grateful for each day – or even thinking about it as you wake up in the morning or before going to sleep at night. It can be the simple little things and can make such a big difference. The more you practice, the more habitual it should become and part of your thought process.
4. Write in the same place each time you journal, so it becomes a habit over time. I write at the table and have my journal and pen in a little basket on that table, so I’m not trying to find where I left it (cuts out the stress of looking for it)
5. Date each entry into your journal and write down whatever mood you are feeling that day. If you are looking back over your journal, you can pinpoint what triggers certain moods.
Benefits to your overall wellbeing
Journaling can be great for your wellbeing; a good way to process your thoughts and to also document the ups and downs in your life. We all have those ups and downs – my goodness you’re only human after all.
Writing really is cathartic and practicing gratitude each day is a way to appreciate the little things – when you stop, listen to yourself and become more self-aware and present.
Being in the present moment really helps if you are feeling anxious/stressed and are constantly worrying about what’s going to happen.
Do you journal and practice gratitude? And what works for you?
I hope this post has been helpful to you and helps to incorporate journaling and gratitude into your daily life going forward❤🙏
Thank you for taking the time to read and happy journaling!
During a time when lockdown feels like its never ending, you tend to forget the importance of nourishing the body and mind… Do you forget to drink some water? do you forget to eat a healthy breakfast and pack up on those fruit and veggies? I certainly do.
I’ve been a bit too fond of those chocolate treats during lockdown (I really have a sweet tooth) skipping breakfast and running on empty. Its challenging when you have nothing to look forward to during a global pandemic and all you want to do is turn to those snacks and chomp away!
Being a parent and running after two busy toddlers, I’ve recently started focussing on eating a good healthy breakfast to start the day with, and drinking plenty of water (I mix a pint glass with cold and a bit of boiling water as I find it easier to drink).
I feel so much better adding the healthy foods along with water – then you’re ready for whatever work you do throughout the day as well as having energy to run after your little cherubs!
Open those windows, let the fresh air in and circulate! Working from home and more time spent indoors means a fresh working environment is needed to help ‘you’ when you’re constantly confined to a new office space you’ve had to adapt to.
Spring is here, the evenings are brighter, those beautiful blossom trees and daffodils are flourishing, and as my little girls say “mummy, the birdies are singing!”
During a time when our busy lifestyle can make us feel tired, stressed and exhausted: taking time out for some mindful moments can help you to find that balance needed to reconnect with yourself. Visualization exercises are great for finding that balance needed and for a bit of ‘you’ time.
Connecting with nature:
A walk along the beach is so relaxing. There’s something peaceful about being near the sea, listening to the swishing sound of that ocean, as your bare feet glides through those ripples. You can feel a sense of calm and connection to this beautiful environment, as you dip your toes into that water, feeling the smooth sand sinking under your grounded feet, being mindful throughout and soaking up that peaceful scene.
Its tough when you’re feeling anxious and trying to stay motivated and relaxed, especially during a global pandemic. Throughout lockdown, I found going for a brisk 20 minute walk outside and connecting with nature helped to clear my mind and reconnect with myself. Also being a mum, its important to have a bit of ‘you’ time, refreshing the mind and to relax if feeling overwhelmed.
Relaxation exercises are helpful if you are having trouble relaxing or sleeping. I’ve been practicing vizualization exercises on occasions where I struggle to fall asleep at night. Helping me to focus and relax while taking deep breaths throughout.
Visualization exercise:
The following technique, can help anytime when you’re feeling stressed. it can be very beneficial, especially after a busy day!
Close your eyes
Inhale deeply for 3 seconds
Exhale for 4 seconds
Visualize the soothing swishing ocean and the scene of that calming beach
Repeat, inhaling for 3 seconds and exhaling for 4 seconds
Deep breaths
Visualize
Relax…
Take some time out during periods of stress for relaxation exercises to recharge those batteries. You deserve it!
Mindset Coach, Life Coach, Hypnotherapist, Writer 