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acceptance confidence confidence coaching growth health and wellbeing perfectionisim personal development self belief self esteem

Why perfectionism can be exhausting. Getting that balance right and changing your core beliefs!


One who fears failure limits his activities”

Henry Ford


Jeepers the amount of pressure we put on ourselves to do well and at such a high standard can be detrimental to our wellbeing. Especially in todays world with social media and people competing with each other. Failing is part of the learning process, but when you’re a perfectionist it is so hard to view that outlook on life. Making mistakes really is part of being human. How do you go easier on yourself you may think? Try to be kind with your self-talk, become more aware of how you criticise yourself and this will help you on that path of not being too hard on yourself or wanting to reach such high standards.

When I’ve been too hard on myself

Back when I was studying for my degree and coming up to assignment deadlines; I would chop and change my work so feckin much. My goodness it was never ending at the start of my studies, then procrastination would kick in big time. How did procrastination show up? I would always go on a mad cleaning spree before eventually hitting that submit button. 
Procrastination was in full force, my self-esteem would take a blow like nobody’s business and the stress levels were raised. Why was I feeling this way? It was fear of failing or doing absolutely rubbish. I would get flustered, feel irritable and my head would be swimming with self-doubt.
However, there are times where perfectionism can be seen as a positive. Oh yes, it can make you one determined so and so and a very motivated and disciplined one at that.  But, the overall effects on your health could cause a number of problems such as headaches, binge eating, anxiety and stress to name a few. It’s about being mindful, self-aware and kind with your self-talk.

Research

A meta-analysis study from Thomas Curran and Andrew Hill from 1989-2016 on college students, found that perfectionism had increased over this time due to the young individual’s living in an environment where the pressure of doing well was so high and with many also suffering from anxiety and depression. Also, the study showed how parents are more controlling than generations before. This is no surprise with social media now being a big part of our lives where the perfect life is shown on this platform every single day.


How can you find that right balance?

Perfectionism and being confident with your work (while still working hard at something) are two very different things. When you are confident you can do a good job when you work hard, believe in yourself and don’t overthink things to the point of disaster: but you are being kind with your self-talk. You are happy with what you produce. If it doesn’t go as planned then you learn and grow.  It’s ok to make mistakes. That’s how you learn and do better. 

Learn from your mistakes and take it as feedback for future assignments, work projects, training sessions or whatever you need to improve on. I’m at a stage in my life where I’m not extremely hard on myself when it comes to areas in my life that requires improving. I ask for feedback, learn, take courses and believe in myself so to be the best person, parent and coach.  
    When you’re a perfectionist it never feels good enough and you’re so hard on yourself to the point of raising those stress levels. 


Changing your core beliefs for a more positive outlook

Changing your core beliefs from a negative to a more positive view of yourself can help with perfectionism – as you are being kinder with your self-talk. A core belief is an idea/belief you have about yourself and the world around you. It is deeply rooted and what you firmly believe from your early childhood and how you were raised.

Here are 2 examples of what a core belief would look like and how you can change the narrative:

Core belief

“I’m no good at this and never will be. I will fail”

Change your inner dialogue to:

How can I improve on this? Do I read more, take courses or ask for feedback/advice?”

Core belief

“I can’t say how I’m really feeling for fear of hurting someone”

Change your inner dialogue to

““I will take a few deep breaths and it’s ok to say how I’m feeling. I know holding it in can feel worse”


Practice

Maybe you are a person that wants everything to just be perfect. Chopping and changing what you’ve written over and over again as that little seed of doubt lingers and those weeds start to sprout big time. Maybe you please everyone to seem like this perfect friend, person? (when deep down you are struggling and ignoring how you really feel). You are an all or nothing type of person.

Trying to be perfect at everything can be exhausting. There really is no such thing as that word perfect. 

Changing your core beliefs can make your self-talk that little bit kinder as you are giving yourself the permission and a chance to learn and grow. Helping you along that path of believing in yourself and your worth. Boosting your confidence and self-esteem. You are changing the negative thought pattern to a more positive outlook. The more you practice changing the narrative, by being aware of your negative thoughts, then it will become easier over time. It does take time, but you will get there, when you work on yourself.

Believe in yourself. Remember, nobody is perfect. Fact.


If perfectionism is taking over your life and you are really struggling, then a mentor, coach or a therapist who specialises in ***CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) can really help to give you those tools and to look at things from a completely different perspective.   

  
*** Cognitive Behavioural Therapy is a form of therapy that uses problem solving skills to change thinking patterns and focuses on an individual’s present situation; so to move forward in their life and to help cope with difficult situations. 

Are you a perfectionist?

Do share how perfectionism takes control of your life and what helps you?

Categories
Self-Care, wellbeing, you time, health and well-being, life coaching, life coach, healthy living, wellness

Self-Care! What do you enjoy for a bit of YOU time? Here’s how to get that ball rolling!


Hello there you!

How are you feeling today and do you manage to get a bit of self-care into your daily routine?

Self-Care is an expression thrown around so much these days isn’t it? But, it really is a practice you should incorporate into your daily life.

For me, I feel so much better after a 30 minute walk surrounded by nature, should it be in the park, or anywhere with plenty of greenery. I enjoy walking in a nice quiet environment! I always feel refreshed after a brisk walk as it clears my mind. Throughout a walk it gives me time to reflect on things, to admire the beauty of nature and to just be with me!

If you work in an office, even taking a 15 minute walk outside for some air during lunch can make all the difference. It’s about getting into a little habit.

What form of Self-Care do you enjoy?

Self-Care can mean absolutely anything, it can be sitting reading a good book uninterrupted for 20-30 minutes. It can be playing your favourite instrument, meditating or going for a swim. Even a walk on the beach or taking time out to enjoy your favourite cup of tea/coffee without the rushing about. Oh, do I love sitting down with that obligatory chai latte. Something so simple can be so powerful; when you let it! Anything that makes you feel happier/relaxed.


Enjoying a hot cuppa without the rush!

Dedicating time for you

Starting a habit that focuses on your needs should become priority; and a good habit at that. We live in a world where life can be so busy and we often forget to put our own needs first. If you are in a constant state of ‘rush’ then you find it hard to focus on what you really want/need. Even 20 minutes each day will make all the difference as you are becoming aware of your needs. After a while it will become habitual.

To build a habit, you need to practice it.

Make it easy

James Clear

Just breathe

If you find you are feeling a bit overwhelmed/stressed at times then take a step back and concentrate on your breathing. How does your breathing feel? What is worrying you?

Inhaling deeply (filling those lungs) and exhaling slowly a few times should help you to connect with yourself and to feel more relaxed. It’s so simple and yet again, powerful!


Connecting with nature!

Remember: YOU are always priority and taking that time out to practice Self-Care every day is so important for your physical and emotional well-being. Think about what it is that YOU enjoy. How can it become a habit? Could it be a 20 minute walk during lunch. Could it be reading a good book or sitting down and being completely present with that hot cup of tea/coffee. Whatever it is; make it a habit going forward. You owe it to your body and mind. Learn to become more self-aware and to tap into what makes you feel good. It really is about the simple things in life.

You should ALWAYS be priority

What Self-Care practice is part of your life?


Categories
acceptance growth happiness health and wellbeing inspiration journaling, gratitude personal development poetry community

New Year, Staying Present and Focusing on the Small stuff…

Hello there you and Happy New Year!

How are you feeling after the festive season? Are you glad to be getting back into a more structured routine?  I’m looking forward to getting back into a more healthier routine (too many sweets/tipples, but I enjoyed it all, and the banter that went along with it)
I had such a lovely time back home in Ireland catching up with family, and my brother who I hadn’t seen in over 2 years due to Covid! I was grateful every day!

Present moment:

“It’s the feeling you get when you are able to be touched

By the simple things in life: watching a child playing,

The leaves falling from a tree”

Richard Carlson

When life stood tragically still in lockdown, I soaked up the outdoors, connecting so much with nature and my family.  I then started to crave nature and became more self aware. I soaked up those giggles from our girls; realising there is so much beauty out there and the free stuff like fresh air, fabulous beaches, sunsets and mountains: are all breathtaking views that are food for the soul! Absorbing the “present” moment!

When you stop striving for “perfection”, you  automatically start to slow down and realise all that beauty was right under your nose (while your mind was full of worry and busy from those to do lists, lots of unnecessary clutter taking up space in your mind)

Poetry outlet:

I wrote the following ‘etheree’ poem as a reminder to absorb those precious little moments…  Being present certainly is the way to do it. Sounds so easy doesn’t it? It is when you practice being present every day but you have to work on it, enjoying the simple little things in life, changing your thought process to a more “positive” way of thinking and being extremely grateful.

Grab it

It

Starts with

Fresh air. Free

Flawless. Simple.

But so powerful.

When you stop. Soak it up;

like sand soaking salty sprays,

gentle yet ferocious waves. The

present is all you have. Grab it, then

bottle it. Capturing every small bit!

Bernie Egerton

Enjoying that fresh air and watching the girls happy out at the beach!!
My eldest loves rolling down those sand dunes… Absorbing it all !

Growing from within, self-awareness being mindful and always learning; are the components to reaching that place of peace and happiness. Getting the most out of life for “you” and yours.

Work on ‘you’ and believe in yourself.  Trust me, the rest will follow!! 

Categories
growth poetry poetry community Uncategorized

Poetry and growth

So over the past 18 months I’ve fallen in love with reading and writing poetry as a creative outlet. This pandemic has opened my soul up to new experiences and coming out of my comfort zone by sharing my written pieces and also blogging/writing with pure honesty.

I’m so thankful for this and it really has been beneficial to my wellbeing, growth and being more present.

I wrote the following poem in response to a writing prompt from the mum poem press “I choose poetry because” for national poetry day on 7/10/21. It certainly sums up my relationship with poetry.

I choose poetry because…

It reaches the depth of my soul

Pulls on every heart string –

Every avenue is beautiful,

Breathtaking, painful, invigorating

Still, raw and full of growth.

I choose poetry because I had to,

It just happened.

Sometimes words flow; I can’t help it

Sometimes words are harder to find –

I dig deeper

I will choose poetry ” always”

Bernie Egerton

Poetry handbook to learn more about the art

Great poetry handbook to learn more about the art and from Mary Oliver, who was a beautiful poet ❤

Have you discovered poetry during these times and how has your relationship with poetry been? Or what have you discovered as a new hobby?

Thank you for taking the time to read my posts and have a beautiful day ❤🙏

Categories
motivation personal development wellbeing

So, 6 months blogging and grateful for this wonderful community…

Hello you!

So I’m blogging 6 months now and have to say I’m so grateful ( wish I did it sooner, but hey ho here I am blogging)

Now, when I started out blogging, I was posting poetry I had saved from months earlier, would hit submit and off I went on my merry way. I never commented or visited other blogs (took me a while to thaw out really; confidence issues with my writing skills obviously). Then the comments started. I slowly started to get more confident, replying with a word or 2 ( now it’s all about crawling before walking isn’t it?) and then proper commenting on other blogs.

Do you know something? It’s been brilliant. Nobody is going to tear you apart with comments (unless you’re into heated debates) and the kindness and support on this wonderful journey makes it even that more enjoyable.

Enjoy it and remember: we are all on a “constant” journey of growth.

We are making sense of this world (especially during these times) and sharing your ideas, thoughts and advice helps to make sense a little bit more.

So what are the 3 things I’ve learned since starting to blog?

1. Blogging can be fun – stick with it, comment on other blogs, even just a little comment or like for that extra bit of encouragement and support for others.

2. Read up on blogging tips/advice: it helps. If like me it’s a hobby and a way to connect with fellow bloggers/writers, then don’t be putting too much pressure on yourself for having loads of followers. Just enjoy it and it’s great for brushing up on your writing skills too.

3. Use the tagging option in post settings, so your post can reach the bloggers you want to reach, and to share your stories/poetry/inspiration – whatever your niche is. Don’t focus too much on niche at the start, that will come and enjoy the process.

Blogging is full of encouragement, like minded and real people (non of this perfect social media portrayed life) when you read the material that suits ‘you’ that is.

Yes, there are times when it can feel overwhelming, and when it does, then take a little step back, recharge those batteries as your blog will “always” be there. Read up on blogging tips and remember “you have to crawl before you walk”. Something I’ve been learning more about lately. Try not to be too hard on yourself and take each step bit by bit.

So what tips do you have when starting out blogging and how has your blogging experience been so far?

Thank you for stopping by, happy blogging and be kind to yourself and others.

Have a lovely day ❤🙏

Categories
health, inspiration motivation wellbeing

Atlantic Coast of Ireland, fresh air and soaking up the outdoors…

I was brought up in Donegal;  surrounded by fields, stunning beaches, mountains, sheep and cows. Breathtaking views…

Now, If you asked me about the Atlantic Coast when I was a teen (dying to move away from the place) I would have described it differently… Something along the lines of ‘it’s so boring and I really can’t wait to move to the BIG city’. Oh yes I loved moving to the big city at 18, for college, work, meeting new people, the nightlife and all that jazz. I had a great time (the mountains, beaches, sheep – not a second thought was given)

The importance of the outdoors and appreciating the ‘simple things’

Here I am writing a blog post about the Atlantic Coast of Ireland, older and wiser (ok, that might be debatable) as I’m visiting my family for a few weeks and it’s been over a year since I was last home (Covid wouldn’t allow and I now live in England)

Seriously though, I look out at the mountains every morning, I walk the beach every single day with my hubbie and girls (you can always wrap up) and I breathe in that fresh air.

I make sure I instill the importance of the outdoors and it’s beauty to my little girls as they grow. They absolutely love the outdoors (I love watching them skip through the fields like little lambs) There is nothing like a walk in nature to blow away those cobwebs. How I took it all for granted when I was younger…

Muckish Mountain ❤
Girls enjoying the hens, ducks and geese at my cousins farm
Happy out at the beach 💖💖
Muckish is always there ❤
Moo
I love walking the beach at sunset…
Stunning 💫
Tory Island in the background and still surfing/paddling at 9 pm
My other half soaking it all up ❤💛


Take yourself outside and soak it all up… It’s the simple things in life and nature is always there. It really is good for the soul.

Haiku

Fresh air clears the mind

Warming the soul, the outdoors

Soaking up those views


Thank you for reading my post – have a beautiful day and fill up those lungs with plenty of fresh air. Go on, get that jacket on and go for a good brisk walk ❤

Categories
health and wellbeing

Cutting down on the rich foods and a bit of exercise for a healthier you!

Hello you!

So for the past month I’ve been cutting down on all the sugary, fatty foods to lose a bit of my mama weight! I have to say I feel so much better and not as bloated (I love my bread and chocolate treats).

At first it’s tough, as I’m following a certain plan (not a diet) and your body is like “hey where’s my sugar and what’s going on here?” But when sticking to plan and recognising the overall benefits it has to your health in the long run, it makes it easier to focus and plough on through with your weight loss journey.

Balance:

Being a Libra myself, it’s all about the balance! Making sure you get the ‘balance’ right with enough proteins, fats, carbohydrates, calcium and iron (the list is endless)

Also drinking plenty of water to flush out those toxins helps. Aim for 8 glasses a day they say (I like drinking a pint of cooled boiled water as it’s easier to drink)

White to wholemeal:

Changing the white breads to wholemeal, white pasta to wholewheat and adding unsalted/lighter butter to your diet for the extra fibre that your body needs.

Grilling instead of frying.

All these little tweaks to your diet aids your weight loss journey, making you feel better.

Let’s not forget plenty of fruit and veggies…

Exercise:

Along with cutting down on the aul lockdown munching (done plenty of that over the past year) I’m making a habit of going out for a 20-30 min walk everyday. Soaking up the beautiful outdoors, being mindful along with getting fresh air into my lungs. The best bit about it? It’s free…

I know it sounds hard to cut down, but ‘you’ start to feel so much better and it’s just about tweaking your diet and adding plenty of water.

Now I’d like to add I’m no nutritionist but I’m sharing with ‘you’ whats helping me on my weight loss/healthier lifestyle journey. I feel so much better and plan to stick to it.

Hope these little tips help you! And please do comment on what helps you on your healthier lifestyle journey. Would love to hear.

Have a beautiful day, stay safe, be kind to yourself and ‘your’ body.

Thank you for reading 💖