Categories
growth health and wellbeing self esteem, personal development, motivation, acceptance

How learning to say no can build on your assertiveness, help to reduce stress and your people pleasing tendencies!

Sharing an old post of mine as it’s so important to remember this ❤️

Are you a people pleaser?

Do you find it hard saying no? Leading to overwhelm and stress from putting other peoples needs before your own?

Oh I could write so much about this topic!

You see, the thing is, I was a people pleaser, and when I look back to who I was 10 years ago: I cringe to the point where my face resembles a tomato (now that’s red)

The beauty about writing this post, is acknowledging the fact of how far I’ve come. Back in my people pleasing days and not being able to say no; low self-esteem and lack of assertiveness were definitely contributing factors to my people pleasing tendencies – therefore causing me stress. Do you relate to this? Exhausting isn’t it?

Overcoming people pleasing

So how do you learn to say no more? Am I now the master of saying no? Absolutely not, and you can’t say no all the time. But, it’s all about finding that balance and what suits you. But if you listen to your gut and know it doesn’t feel right; then it’s ok for you to set those healthy boundaries and say no.

Fear

With me it was “fear” of an awful argument breaking out (I’m not particularly fond of confrontation and would always build up how I really felt inside; the worst thing you can do) and would rather go ahead, stress the hell out of myself and plough along with appointments, get togethers, and making other people happy.

I remember a time where I was utterly exhausted (with working full-time and studying for a degree part-time) arranged to drive an hour after work to meet a friend to watch a play she was in, and all I wanted to do was rest and recharge my own batteries. Oh I went to that play and looking back, this lovely friend would have been ok If I said no (it was all down to my fear of an awful argument breaking out) 

Assertiveness and finally saying no!

The one person who needs your approval most is yourself. Start building on that relationship

Learning to say no, inner work and mindful practices

So how do you say no without feeling terribly guilty and stressed to the hilt?

  • Start to work on yourself first, listen to your gut and take your time. Start working on being more assertive.
  • Practice mindfulness to connect with your inner self (whatever mindful practices helps you). I’ve been doing so much of this and with that self-awareness, you tap right into your true inner self – reducing those stress levels. You might not be into mindfulness but it can help to reduce stress and be more in the present moment
  • Write it out (journaling is great for writing down those thoughts/emotions)
  • Practice breathing exercises; a great tool for stepping back and reconnecting with yourself.
  • Work with a coach or mentor to gain the right tools to help with your assertiveness.

It gets easier

Yes, learning to say no is hard, but the more you say it, the easier it gets over time and the less stressed/anxious you will become.

When I look back on a time where I was a big people pleaser, I just wasn’t aware I was doing it, and thought it was normal practice to get people to like you; seeking approval.

People pleasing is a trait many people have, for others saying no is so much easier.

Concluding thoughts

Remember to look out for you first. The more you work on yourself; then learning to say no and not pleasing others will become easier. It’s all about finding that right balance. Heck, I’m a Libra myself, and I work with those scales every single day.  Growing, learning, self-awareness and building yourself up to reach that balance.  Growth is a constant journey. You never stop learning/progressing/growing. And take your time with moving forward. You owe yourself that!

Do you want go become the best version of yourself for you and your loved ones?

Do you feel you are constantly pleasing others and putting their needs before your own?

Please do comment and share your views. I would love to hear.

It really is ok saying no. You and your wellbeing are always priority!

Be kind to yourself and keep moving forward at your own pace!

Categories
change growth growth mindset health and wellbeing inspiration life coaching self esteem, personal development, motivation, acceptance success wellbeing

Finding the motivation to move forward with your goals and to finally take action. Here’s how!

Hello there you!

Are you finding it hard to get motivated and taking action? But you’re feeling anxious or nervous about doing so?

I know how difficult it can be to actually start something new. Oh we all have great intentions, ideas in our heads – but getting that ball rolling is always a problem. But, the one thing that is so important about achieving your goals and successfully, is putting in the time, the work, the effort and most importantly ‘wanting’ to change and believing in yourself in the first place.

How taking action can become a success

In relation to my own goals ( I’ll use my successful weight loss story here).  It took me quite some time to actually do it. I had 2 toddlers, I  was tired and when your body is tired and stressed; oh boy do you crave that sugar more. And those cortisol levels are elevated. I just wanted to lose that baby weight!

I tried doing it myself, but failed and back to the start I went. But what was it that changed for me?  How did I make it a success? I did it at a time where I felt 100% ready and to do it properly. I joined a weekly weight loss group and reached my goal and got to my target within a few months.

What made this a success for me? I stuck to group every single week, I believed I could do it and I was surrounded by a supportive community of people who were all there for the exact same reasons.

Yes, there are times when that motivation isn’t there, but it’s ok to have days like that, as long as you stick to your community of supporters. You are only human at the end of the day.

In relation to losing my weight, I still have to work hard on sticking to my loss. How do I do this? I still go to group as it’s a motivation tool to keep that weight off and also the encouragement is huge. Also realising how healthier I feel, physically and mentally. Do I want to return to my old habits? Absolutely not.

How to get that motivation off to a flying start and reaching those goals?

  • Write down exactly what it is you want to achieve
  • Set a time frame (say 3-6 months for example)
  • What is it you want to do specifically?
  • Look up groups and communities focusing on those goals
  • Journaling is a great tool, and it gets those thoughts down
  • Go for a good long walk, to clear the head and to soak up nature
  • Take a step back from social media ( oh I know how much of a procrastination tool that can be)
  • Listen to your gut instinct
  • Most importantly; be ready for that change.

What is it you want to achieve?

What is it that stops you from taking that step forward?


Each step forward counts

Believe you can

And you will!


Thank you for stopping by and remember, you can always do what you put your mind to. And, with the proper support and tools, then you can certainly achieve success!


Categories
believe in yourself change growth life coaching motivation personal development success wellbeing

Change is a good thing, even if you have to jump out of your comfort zone!

Hello there you!

How do you feel about change? As in changing your career, your mindset, your eating habits, or taking up a new hobby. Change can mean many things. This year I became certified as a Life Coach, NLP Practitioner and Clinical Hypnotherapist. I was nervous when training started, but the more I became familiar with the course material and my training group, the more I warmed up to this change.

The process of change can be full of personal development and you discover more and more about who you are as a person and recognising strengths/weaknesses (as I am on this coaching path) Facing these challenges head on is a constant journey of growth and can pull you right out of your comfort zone.

Following your passion:

You hold the key to

Unlocking your full potential

Believe in yourself


I’ve always been passionate about encouraging, supporting and helping others; and finally plucking up the courage to sign up to an accredited course was a positive step towards that goal of pursuing the field of coaching.

What do you want to change in your life at the moment? How can you make that happen?


Have the courage to follow your

heart and intuition

Steve Jobs

I worked in a senior position within the corporate world for years and just never really felt fulfilled (when I reflect hard on that time). When my children were born I made the decision to stay at home with my little girls while they were still young, and it has been the best decision, in order to spend that quality time with them before they started school.

Embracing change and following your heart

Although change can be daunting, the more you follow your gut instinct, do your research and take your time; you realise that life really is short and you become clearer about what you really want.

Believe in yourself and how capable and worthy that you really are.

Two years ago I wasn’t a writer and now, I’m a published writer, poet, blogger and have written articles for positive wellbeing magazines and poetry zines. How did I move forward with my writing goals? I started to believe in myself and joined a writing club. Connecting with a community of like-minded writers is empowering. Joining a community with individuals who share your passions and interests can help you to grow and move forward.

Opening that door

Working hard to achieve your goals when it feels right will open that door to amazing opportunities when you allow yourself to do so.

It all comes down to ‘you’ at the end of the day!

Write a list of what you want to achieve within the next 6-12 months and work on those goals, while working on yourself. Make that decision; allowing yourself to embrace ‘change’.

What are you passionate about when you listen to your gut instinct?

Thank you for stopping by, have a great day and remember ‘change’ is a good thing! And, as the saying goes:

A change is as good as a rest”

It will open doors to wonderful opportunities!

Categories
acceptance growth happiness health and wellbeing inspiration journaling, gratitude personal development poetry community

New Year, Staying Present and Focusing on the Small stuff…

Hello there you and Happy New Year!

How are you feeling after the festive season? Are you glad to be getting back into a more structured routine?  I’m looking forward to getting back into a more healthier routine (too many sweets/tipples, but I enjoyed it all, and the banter that went along with it)
I had such a lovely time back home in Ireland catching up with family, and my brother who I hadn’t seen in over 2 years due to Covid! I was grateful every day!

Present moment:

“It’s the feeling you get when you are able to be touched

By the simple things in life: watching a child playing,

The leaves falling from a tree”

Richard Carlson

When life stood tragically still in lockdown, I soaked up the outdoors, connecting so much with nature and my family.  I then started to crave nature and became more self aware. I soaked up those giggles from our girls; realising there is so much beauty out there and the free stuff like fresh air, fabulous beaches, sunsets and mountains: are all breathtaking views that are food for the soul! Absorbing the “present” moment!

When you stop striving for “perfection”, you  automatically start to slow down and realise all that beauty was right under your nose (while your mind was full of worry and busy from those to do lists, lots of unnecessary clutter taking up space in your mind)

Poetry outlet:

I wrote the following ‘etheree’ poem as a reminder to absorb those precious little moments…  Being present certainly is the way to do it. Sounds so easy doesn’t it? It is when you practice being present every day but you have to work on it, enjoying the simple little things in life, changing your thought process to a more “positive” way of thinking and being extremely grateful.

Grab it

It

Starts with

Fresh air. Free

Flawless. Simple.

But so powerful.

When you stop. Soak it up;

like sand soaking salty sprays,

gentle yet ferocious waves. The

present is all you have. Grab it, then

bottle it. Capturing every small bit!

Bernie Egerton

Enjoying that fresh air and watching the girls happy out at the beach!!
My eldest loves rolling down those sand dunes… Absorbing it all !

Growing from within, self-awareness being mindful and always learning; are the components to reaching that place of peace and happiness. Getting the most out of life for “you” and yours.

Work on ‘you’ and believe in yourself.  Trust me, the rest will follow!! 

Categories
growth poetry poetry community Uncategorized

Poetry and growth

So over the past 18 months I’ve fallen in love with reading and writing poetry as a creative outlet. This pandemic has opened my soul up to new experiences and coming out of my comfort zone by sharing my written pieces and also blogging/writing with pure honesty.

I’m so thankful for this and it really has been beneficial to my wellbeing, growth and being more present.

I wrote the following poem in response to a writing prompt from the mum poem press “I choose poetry because” for national poetry day on 7/10/21. It certainly sums up my relationship with poetry.

I choose poetry because…

It reaches the depth of my soul

Pulls on every heart string –

Every avenue is beautiful,

Breathtaking, painful, invigorating

Still, raw and full of growth.

I choose poetry because I had to,

It just happened.

Sometimes words flow; I can’t help it

Sometimes words are harder to find –

I dig deeper

I will choose poetry ” always”

Bernie Egerton

Poetry handbook to learn more about the art

Great poetry handbook to learn more about the art and from Mary Oliver, who was a beautiful poet ❤

Have you discovered poetry during these times and how has your relationship with poetry been? Or what have you discovered as a new hobby?

Thank you for taking the time to read my posts and have a beautiful day ❤🙏