Sharing an old post of mine as it’s so important to remember this ❤️
Are you a people pleaser?
Do you find it hard saying no? Leading to overwhelm and stress from putting other peoples needs before your own?
Oh I could write so much about this topic!
You see, the thing is I was a people pleaser, and when I look back to who I was 10 years ago I cringe to the point where I resemble a tomato (now that’s red) The beauty about writing this post, is acknowledging the fact of how far I’ve come. Back in my people pleasing days and not being able to say no; low self-esteem and lack of assertiveness were definitely contributing factors to my people pleasing tendencies – therefore causing me stress. Do you relate to this? Exhausting isn’t it?
Overcoming people pleasing
So how do you learn to say no to people? Am I now an expert in saying no? Absolutely not, and you can’t say no all the time. However, it’s about finding that balance and what suits you. If you listen to your gut and know it doesn’t feel right or if it causes you stress/overwhelm – then it’s ok for you to set those healthy boundaries and say no.
Fear
With me it was “fear” of an awful argument breaking out (I’m not particularly fond of confrontation and would always build up how I really felt inside; the worst thing you can do) and would rather go ahead, stress the hell out of myself and plough along with appointments, get togethers, and making other people happy. I wasn’t assertive and never wanted to come across as rude (ignoring my true internal feelings)
The one person who needs your approval most is yourself. Start building on that relationship
Learning to say no, inner work and mindful practices
So how do you say no without feeling terribly guilty and stressed to the hilt?
- Start to work on yourself, listen to your gut and take your time. Take baby steps and work on being more assertive.
- Practice mindfulness to connect with your inner self (whatever mindful practices helps you). I’ve been doing so much of this and with that self-awareness, you tap right into your true inner self – reducing those stress levels. You might not be into mindfulness but it can help to reduce stress and be more in the present moment
- Write it out. Journaling is great for writing down those thoughts/emotions and learning about yourself.
- Practice breathing exercises; a great tool for stepping back and reconnecting with yourself.
- Work with a coach or mentor to gain the right tools to help with your assertiveness if you struggle with your self-esteem
- Listen to podcasts focused on building confidence/self- esteem and relieving stress
It gets easier
Yes, learning to say no is hard, but the more you say it the easier it gets over time and the less stressed/anxious you will become.
When I look back on a time where I was a big people pleaser, I just wasn’t aware I was doing it and thought it was normal practice to get people to like you – seeking approval.
People pleasing is a trait many people have, for others saying no is so much easier. It also comes down to your personality type and how you cope in certain situations.
Concluding thoughts
Remember to look out for you first. The more you work on yourself; then learning to say no and not pleasing others will become easier. It’s all about finding that right balance. Heck, I’m a Libra myself, and I work with those scales every single day. Growing, learning, self-awareness and building yourself up to reach that balance. Growth is a constant journey. You never stop learning/progressing/growing. And take your time with moving forward. You owe yourself that!
Do you want go become the best version of yourself for you and your loved ones?
Do you feel you are constantly pleasing others and putting their needs before your own?
Please do comment and share your views. I would love to hear.
It really is ok saying no. You and your wellbeing are always priority!
Be kind to yourself and keep moving forward at your own pace!
Bernie Egerton Mindset Coaching 