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acceptance confidence confidence coaching growth health and wellbeing perfectionisim personal development self belief self esteem

Why perfectionism can be exhausting. Getting that balance right and changing your core beliefs!


One who fears failure limits his activities”

Henry Ford


Jeepers the amount of pressure we put on ourselves to do well and at such a high standard can be detrimental to our wellbeing. Especially in todays world with social media and people competing with each other. Failing is part of the learning process, but when you’re a perfectionist it is so hard to view that outlook on life. Making mistakes really is part of being human. How do you go easier on yourself you may think? Try to be kind with your self-talk, become more aware of how you criticise yourself and this will help you on that path of not being too hard on yourself or wanting to reach such high standards.

When I’ve been too hard on myself

Back when I was studying for my degree and coming up to assignment deadlines; I would chop and change my work so feckin much. My goodness it was never ending at the start of my studies, then procrastination would kick in big time. How did procrastination show up? I would always go on a mad cleaning spree before eventually hitting that submit button. 
Procrastination was in full force, my self-esteem would take a blow like nobody’s business and the stress levels were raised. Why was I feeling this way? It was fear of failing or doing absolutely rubbish. I would get flustered, feel irritable and my head would be swimming with self-doubt.
However, there are times where perfectionism can be seen as a positive. Oh yes, it can make you one determined so and so and a very motivated and disciplined one at that.  But, the overall effects on your health could cause a number of problems such as headaches, binge eating, anxiety and stress to name a few. It’s about being mindful, self-aware and kind with your self-talk.

Research

A meta-analysis study from Thomas Curran and Andrew Hill from 1989-2016 on college students, found that perfectionism had increased over this time due to the young individual’s living in an environment where the pressure of doing well was so high and with many also suffering from anxiety and depression. Also, the study showed how parents are more controlling than generations before. This is no surprise with social media now being a big part of our lives where the perfect life is shown on this platform every single day.


How can you find that right balance?

Perfectionism and being confident with your work (while still working hard at something) are two very different things. When you are confident you can do a good job when you work hard, believe in yourself and don’t overthink things to the point of disaster: but you are being kind with your self-talk. You are happy with what you produce. If it doesn’t go as planned then you learn and grow.  It’s ok to make mistakes. That’s how you learn and do better. 

Learn from your mistakes and take it as feedback for future assignments, work projects, training sessions or whatever you need to improve on. I’m at a stage in my life where I’m not extremely hard on myself when it comes to areas in my life that requires improving. I ask for feedback, learn, take courses and believe in myself so to be the best person, parent and coach.  
    When you’re a perfectionist it never feels good enough and you’re so hard on yourself to the point of raising those stress levels. 


Changing your core beliefs for a more positive outlook

Changing your core beliefs from a negative to a more positive view of yourself can help with perfectionism – as you are being kinder with your self-talk. A core belief is an idea/belief you have about yourself and the world around you. It is deeply rooted and what you firmly believe from your early childhood and how you were raised.

Here are 2 examples of what a core belief would look like and how you can change the narrative:

Core belief

“I’m no good at this and never will be. I will fail”

Change your inner dialogue to:

How can I improve on this? Do I read more, take courses or ask for feedback/advice?”

Core belief

“I can’t say how I’m really feeling for fear of hurting someone”

Change your inner dialogue to

““I will take a few deep breaths and it’s ok to say how I’m feeling. I know holding it in can feel worse”


Practice

Maybe you are a person that wants everything to just be perfect. Chopping and changing what you’ve written over and over again as that little seed of doubt lingers and those weeds start to sprout big time. Maybe you please everyone to seem like this perfect friend, person? (when deep down you are struggling and ignoring how you really feel). You are an all or nothing type of person.

Trying to be perfect at everything can be exhausting. There really is no such thing as that word perfect. 

Changing your core beliefs can make your self-talk that little bit kinder as you are giving yourself the permission and a chance to learn and grow. Helping you along that path of believing in yourself and your worth. Boosting your confidence and self-esteem. You are changing the negative thought pattern to a more positive outlook. The more you practice changing the narrative, by being aware of your negative thoughts, then it will become easier over time. It does take time, but you will get there, when you work on yourself.

Believe in yourself. Remember, nobody is perfect. Fact.


If perfectionism is taking over your life and you are really struggling, then a mentor, coach or a therapist who specialises in ***CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) can really help to give you those tools and to look at things from a completely different perspective.   

  
*** Cognitive Behavioural Therapy is a form of therapy that uses problem solving skills to change thinking patterns and focuses on an individual’s present situation; so to move forward in their life and to help cope with difficult situations. 

Are you a perfectionist?

Do share how perfectionism takes control of your life and what helps you?

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anxiety believe in yourself goal setting growth mindset managing stress motivation personal development success

Inner strength. Keep going with your goals even if you need that break to recharge!

Hello there you!

Are you moving forward with your goals? Or has that little seed of doubt returned? You’re losing the motivation to move on and next thing you know procrastination kicks in.

When we set goals, we need a solid plan in place, written down, and a time-frame. Realistic goals. So you can work on that action plan.

Build it up slowly

Start off in baby steps (yes build it up nicely) and work on that confidence. Believe in yourself. Do all that inner work. Work on the relationship with yourself. Get to know your strengths and weaknesses, your passions and what drives you!

Ask yourself, what exactly is my plan? How can I make this achievable?

Focus

When I set my own goals, I am more focused/clear when I actually do it step by step. Sometimes you can get too carried away and want the whole shebang overnight. All these incredible thoughts/ideas running around in our heads. The next thing you know you’re overwhelmed, and that confidence dips, oh boy does it dip. When it gets to that stage, step back and ask yourself these questions:

  • How can I do this in a more manageable way?
  • What is stopping me from moving forward right now?
  • What have I learned?
  • How do I really feel?

Set realistic goals, then reassess over time. And if you are reaching those targets, then yes aim higher, go for it. Do it. It really is all in the planning.

Using the SMART guide to help with setting those goals

When setting goals just think of the following guide SMART to help throughout the process:

Specific

Measureable

Attainable

Realistic

Time-band

Overwhelm

When you become stressed/anxious our body goes into overdrive. Then the procrastination starts and you are going nowhere. You are spending way too much time doubting your capabilities (I know this too well)

Sometimes, you just need to take a break, recharge those batteries and come back to those goals with a fresh outlook; raring to go again.

Each step forward counts

Even taking a step back.

Reconnect.

Recharge.

Focus.

I know myself when that little seed of doubt starts growing, and those weeds start sprouting; I need to ask myself ” why is this happening?”

Conclusion

You are only human at the end of the day. Go easy on yourself, set realistic goals. Yes, it’s great to aim high, but “slow and steady wins the race” otherwise you burn out before you even reach the starting line!

Take action, set those goals and be kind to yourself. Look within. All the answers are there!

Break it down to a manageable plan of action for you. Use the SMART guide throughout the goal setting process to help.

We all go at our own pace. Listen to your gut.

How are you doing with your goals and are you losing focus?

Thank you for checking out my post and keep going. You’re doing great.

Categories
change growth growth mindset health and wellbeing inspiration life coaching self esteem, personal development, motivation, acceptance success wellbeing

Finding the motivation to move forward with your goals and to finally take action. Here’s how!

Hello there you!

Are you finding it hard to get motivated and taking action? But you’re feeling anxious or nervous about doing so?

I know how difficult it can be to actually start something new. Oh we all have great intentions, ideas in our heads – but getting that ball rolling is always a problem. But, the one thing that is so important about achieving your goals and successfully, is putting in the time, the work, the effort and most importantly ‘wanting’ to change and believing in yourself in the first place.

How taking action can become a success

In relation to my own goals ( I’ll use my successful weight loss story here).  It took me quite some time to actually do it. I had 2 toddlers, I  was tired and when your body is tired and stressed; oh boy do you crave that sugar more. And those cortisol levels are elevated. I just wanted to lose that baby weight!

I tried doing it myself, but failed and back to the start I went. But what was it that changed for me?  How did I make it a success? I did it at a time where I felt 100% ready and to do it properly. I joined a weekly weight loss group and reached my goal and got to my target within a few months.

What made this a success for me? I stuck to group every single week, I believed I could do it and I was surrounded by a supportive community of people who were all there for the exact same reasons.

Yes, there are times when that motivation isn’t there, but it’s ok to have days like that, as long as you stick to your community of supporters. You are only human at the end of the day.

In relation to losing my weight, I still have to work hard on sticking to my loss. How do I do this? I still go to group as it’s a motivation tool to keep that weight off and also the encouragement is huge. Also realising how healthier I feel, physically and mentally. Do I want to return to my old habits? Absolutely not.

How to get that motivation off to a flying start and reaching those goals?

  • Write down exactly what it is you want to achieve
  • Set a time frame (say 3-6 months for example)
  • What is it you want to do specifically?
  • Look up groups and communities focusing on those goals
  • Journaling is a great tool, and it gets those thoughts down
  • Go for a good long walk, to clear the head and to soak up nature
  • Take a step back from social media ( oh I know how much of a procrastination tool that can be)
  • Listen to your gut instinct
  • Most importantly; be ready for that change.

What is it you want to achieve?

What is it that stops you from taking that step forward?


Each step forward counts

Believe you can

And you will!


Thank you for stopping by and remember, you can always do what you put your mind to. And, with the proper support and tools, then you can certainly achieve success!


Categories
believe in yourself change growth life coaching motivation personal development success wellbeing

Change is a good thing, even if you have to jump out of your comfort zone!

Hello there you!

How do you feel about change? As in changing your career, your mindset, your eating habits, or taking up a new hobby. Change can mean many things. This year I became certified as a Life Coach, NLP Practitioner and Clinical Hypnotherapist. I was nervous when training started, but the more I became familiar with the course material and my training group, the more I warmed up to this change.

The process of change can be full of personal development and you discover more and more about who you are as a person and recognising strengths/weaknesses (as I am on this coaching path) Facing these challenges head on is a constant journey of growth and can pull you right out of your comfort zone.

Following your passion:

You hold the key to

Unlocking your full potential

Believe in yourself


I’ve always been passionate about encouraging, supporting and helping others; and finally plucking up the courage to sign up to an accredited course was a positive step towards that goal of pursuing the field of coaching.

What do you want to change in your life at the moment? How can you make that happen?


Have the courage to follow your

heart and intuition

Steve Jobs

I worked in a senior position within the corporate world for years and just never really felt fulfilled (when I reflect hard on that time). When my children were born I made the decision to stay at home with my little girls while they were still young, and it has been the best decision, in order to spend that quality time with them before they started school.

Embracing change and following your heart

Although change can be daunting, the more you follow your gut instinct, do your research and take your time; you realise that life really is short and you become clearer about what you really want.

Believe in yourself and how capable and worthy that you really are.

Two years ago I wasn’t a writer and now, I’m a published writer, poet, blogger and have written articles for positive wellbeing magazines and poetry zines. How did I move forward with my writing goals? I started to believe in myself and joined a writing club. Connecting with a community of like-minded writers is empowering. Joining a community with individuals who share your passions and interests can help you to grow and move forward.

Opening that door

Working hard to achieve your goals when it feels right will open that door to amazing opportunities when you allow yourself to do so.

It all comes down to ‘you’ at the end of the day!

Write a list of what you want to achieve within the next 6-12 months and work on those goals, while working on yourself. Make that decision; allowing yourself to embrace ‘change’.

What are you passionate about when you listen to your gut instinct?

Thank you for stopping by, have a great day and remember ‘change’ is a good thing! And, as the saying goes:

A change is as good as a rest”

It will open doors to wonderful opportunities!