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growth health and wellbeing self esteem, personal development, motivation, acceptance

How learning to say no can build on your assertiveness, help to reduce stress and your people pleasing tendencies!

Sharing an old post of mine as it’s so important to remember this ❤️

Are you a people pleaser?

Do you find it hard saying no? Leading to overwhelm and stress from putting other peoples needs before your own?

Oh I could write so much about this topic!

You see, the thing is, I was a people pleaser, and when I look back to who I was 10 years ago: I cringe to the point where my face resembles a tomato (now that’s red)

The beauty about writing this post, is acknowledging the fact of how far I’ve come. Back in my people pleasing days and not being able to say no; low self-esteem and lack of assertiveness were definitely contributing factors to my people pleasing tendencies – therefore causing me stress. Do you relate to this? Exhausting isn’t it?

Overcoming people pleasing

So how do you learn to say no more? Am I now the master of saying no? Absolutely not, and you can’t say no all the time. But, it’s all about finding that balance and what suits you. But if you listen to your gut and know it doesn’t feel right; then it’s ok for you to set those healthy boundaries and say no.

Fear

With me it was “fear” of an awful argument breaking out (I’m not particularly fond of confrontation and would always build up how I really felt inside; the worst thing you can do) and would rather go ahead, stress the hell out of myself and plough along with appointments, get togethers, and making other people happy.

I remember a time where I was utterly exhausted (with working full-time and studying for a degree part-time) arranged to drive an hour after work to meet a friend to watch a play she was in, and all I wanted to do was rest and recharge my own batteries. Oh I went to that play and looking back, this lovely friend would have been ok If I said no (it was all down to my fear of an awful argument breaking out) 

Assertiveness and finally saying no!

The one person who needs your approval most is yourself. Start building on that relationship

Learning to say no, inner work and mindful practices

So how do you say no without feeling terribly guilty and stressed to the hilt?

  • Start to work on yourself first, listen to your gut and take your time. Start working on being more assertive.
  • Practice mindfulness to connect with your inner self (whatever mindful practices helps you). I’ve been doing so much of this and with that self-awareness, you tap right into your true inner self – reducing those stress levels. You might not be into mindfulness but it can help to reduce stress and be more in the present moment
  • Write it out (journaling is great for writing down those thoughts/emotions)
  • Practice breathing exercises; a great tool for stepping back and reconnecting with yourself.
  • Work with a coach or mentor to gain the right tools to help with your assertiveness.

It gets easier

Yes, learning to say no is hard, but the more you say it, the easier it gets over time and the less stressed/anxious you will become.

When I look back on a time where I was a big people pleaser, I just wasn’t aware I was doing it, and thought it was normal practice to get people to like you; seeking approval.

People pleasing is a trait many people have, for others saying no is so much easier.

Concluding thoughts

Remember to look out for you first. The more you work on yourself; then learning to say no and not pleasing others will become easier. It’s all about finding that right balance. Heck, I’m a Libra myself, and I work with those scales every single day.  Growing, learning, self-awareness and building yourself up to reach that balance.  Growth is a constant journey. You never stop learning/progressing/growing. And take your time with moving forward. You owe yourself that!

Do you want go become the best version of yourself for you and your loved ones?

Do you feel you are constantly pleasing others and putting their needs before your own?

Please do comment and share your views. I would love to hear.

It really is ok saying no. You and your wellbeing are always priority!

Be kind to yourself and keep moving forward at your own pace!

Categories
anxiety confidence coaching growth mindset health and wellbeing life coaching personal development self esteem social media social media habits stress management writing community

When Social Media Use Becomes Unhealthy. And, 7 Tips to Get That Balance Right!!

Photo ©️ Bernie Egerton

So, you’re scrolling through FB or Insta, having a little old harmless browse – next thing you know you compare yourself to others and your mood suddenly changes (oh boy have I been there) you just keep torturing yourself, checking out profiles, switching to auto-pilot and scrolling: making yourself feel worse! Does this sound familiar to you?

It’s not surprising why you feel bad after a browsing session when it comes to social media. Selfies are plastered everywhere, filters are on hand and those perfect (well edited) life snaps are shown.  The “like” button has also become gold to so many people. The list is endless. On the other hand, however, social media can be a great platform for promoting your business, sharing your creativity, highlighting important issues and raising awareness on so many important causes/subjects.

We’re in a time where everything is done online now and working from home is so much more common since the pandemic.

When my relationship with social media started

When I first became acquainted with FB back in 2007 (yes I’m over 40)  I have to admit I loved it. Social media was a new way to connect with others. I loved checking into places, posting photos of my hols, dinner (I know) and basically sharing the snaps I “wanted” the world to see. Oh did that soon change.

When Social Media becomes unhealthy

Now, when I look back, social media was not one bit healthy for my mental well-being. When the novelty of this new platform had worn off I was comparing myself to others, and my self-esteem dipped whenever I was scrolling. Do you find your mood changing when you’re scrolling for eternity? Yep, we’ve all been there! 

My goodness I remember well before mobiles and the Internet and managed quite well. In todays world, don’t you feel lost if your phone isn’t attached to those hands? I’m so much more mindful these days with social media and deleted my personal social media accounts many years ago (I just had to and feel much more happier/content) I still have FB and Insta, but more for hobbies and work.

You’re in a time where social media is so powerful and addictive. Selfies are huge and trying to master the right pose/look can be exhausting/stressful. Try not to compare your life (I know it’s easier said than done) we’re all unique and brilliant in our own ways. You have your weaknesses and strengths. Build on your strengths and what you enjoy doing and what makes you feel good.

Stats (NCHR)

According to NCHR (National Center For Health Research) 45% of adolescents have reported to being online “almost constantly,” whereas 44% stated being online several times a day. This is a huge percentage of younger people spending their time online on a daily basis –  and is bound to have a negative impact to your mental well-being. However, a 2018 survey report (NCHR, 2018) has stated how 31% of adolescents found a positive impact from social media use and connecting with others.  But, 25% of adolescents found social media to have such a negative impact.

Researchers have also shown how social media can disrupt sleep (NCHR, 2018) I can vouch for this myself, as I used to take my phone to bed (I stopped that years ago)  put it under my pillow and if I woke during the night would have a quick check: then the dreaded scrolling started. Leave your phone downstairs at night or put it into a drawer. Get that proper nights sleep your body and mind needs.

Finding the right balance

There are positives to using social media when you get that balance right and become more aware when online.

If you’re a sensitive person (sensitive person myself I may add) with low self-esteem and you find yourself feeling low after you spend quite a bit of time scrolling: then take a step back.


7 tips on balancing a healthy social media life

1. Ask yourself these questions before going online:

  • How do I feel?
  • What can I do instead?
  • What exactly is making me feel worse?
  • How is this beneficial?

2.  Delete apps from your phone, so you don’t have it handy to constantly check/scroll.

3. Follow positive well-being accounts, these will help you to see the positives. Follow genuine accounts focused on your wellbeing.

4. If it gets too much or overwhelming then take a little break from it. Or even dedicate a day with no social media use every week.

5. Take up a hobby you enjoy and follow accounts you have an interest in.

6. Go outdoors (leave the phone at home)  Spend time in nature to recharge your own batteries and connect with yourself. There is so much beauty out there and outside of social media. Breathe in that fresh air!!

7. Become more aware of your feelings when online. Check in with yourself: ask yourself do I feel ok doing this? Set yourself a time limit when online.


Final thoughts

Social media can be so addictive and you can spend wasted hours scrolling.

Channel your energy into what YOU really enjoy. What makes you smile?

It’s ok to take a break and remember to always be kind to yourself. Step by step you can change a habit. You are more than enough. You really, really are.

I feel so much happier not having a personal social media account anymore and I limit my time spent when browsing on the phone. I’m more aware when online. I channel my energies into what I enjoy, which is being with my family, writing, coaching and poetry.

Talk to someone if it all gets a bit too much, it’s ok to share how you’re feeling with someone you trust –  it’s not a weakness but a strength to open up (and at your own pace too)

Thank you for checking out my post and let me know what your relationship with social media is like.

Do you need to find a healthier social media balance?

And breathe…


Categories
confidence coaching growth mindset life coaching

Growth Mindset. And, moving forward with those goals when you hit a standstill!

Hello there you!

Do you have a growth or a fixed mindset?

When you have a growth mindset, you are always looking at ways to improve yourself, your talents and you learn from your mistakes. You’re a sucker for learning new things. But, you’re not being too hard on yourself during the process either.

I used to be extremely hard on myself and if things didn’t go as planned, oh boy would I spend forever overthinking the situation, beating myself up; and my confidence would plummet. I believed if I wasn’t good at something, then that was it (fixed mindset).

But now, with a growth mindset I reflect on the situation, write in my journal (to process) have my own coaching (to gain clarity), take courses (learning) and practice gratitude daily

I’m constantly learning and brushing up on my skills to become better. Oh don’t get me wrong, there are days where low confidence comes knocking right on that door. I answer it, listen to it, question it; but I don’t spend time dwelling or entertaining those thoughts (not like I used to)

Personal development is huge to me, and part of my daily life. You learn, progress, reflect and grow. Every. Single. Day.

Ask yourself:

  • What areas need training/improving in my life?
  • How can I banish those limiting beliefs?
  • What little acts makes me feel positive?
  • What are my core values?

Moving forward when you hit a standstill

At times we might reach a standstill with our goals; therefore struggling to move forward. Am I good enough, what’s the point; and why do I not see instant results? Do these questions sound familiar?

Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving” – Albert Einstein

Remember, results take time – and don’t give up or lose heart. As the saying goes “Rome wasn’t built in a day” and it wasn’t. You are only human, and it’s really ok to have off days.

Get back on that horse, keep going, push through the pain barrier and remember why you started in the first place!

Visualise that end result.

Ask yourself:

  • How can I move forward with my goals?
  • Why am I losing confidence and doubting myself in the first place?
  • What action do I need to take?

Keep going and don’t give up!

Life is short. And, the more we spend worrying and doubting our capabilities, the more stressed we become and you avoid following your true path in life!

Change always starts with you, when you commit and believe! Keep learning, brush up on your strengths and take your time.

Believe in yourself, work from within and grow – just like that seed waiting to blossom and flourish  ❤

What can you do to move forward with your goals?

Thank you for stopping by and keep going!

Categories
anxiety believe in yourself goal setting growth mindset managing stress motivation personal development success

Inner strength. Keep going with your goals even if you need that break to recharge!

Hello there you!

Are you moving forward with your goals? Or has that little seed of doubt returned? You’re losing the motivation to move on and next thing you know procrastination kicks in.

When we set goals, we need a solid plan in place, written down, and a time-frame. Realistic goals. So you can work on that action plan.

Build it up slowly

Start off in baby steps (yes build it up nicely) and work on that confidence. Believe in yourself. Do all that inner work. Work on the relationship with yourself. Get to know your strengths and weaknesses, your passions and what drives you!

Ask yourself, what exactly is my plan? How can I make this achievable?

Focus

When I set my own goals, I am more focused/clear when I actually do it step by step. Sometimes you can get too carried away and want the whole shebang overnight. All these incredible thoughts/ideas running around in our heads. The next thing you know you’re overwhelmed, and that confidence dips, oh boy does it dip. When it gets to that stage, step back and ask yourself these questions:

  • How can I do this in a more manageable way?
  • What is stopping me from moving forward right now?
  • What have I learned?
  • How do I really feel?

Set realistic goals, then reassess over time. And if you are reaching those targets, then yes aim higher, go for it. Do it. It really is all in the planning.

Using the SMART guide to help with setting those goals

When setting goals just think of the following guide SMART to help throughout the process:

Specific

Measureable

Attainable

Realistic

Time-band

Overwhelm

When you become stressed/anxious our body goes into overdrive. Then the procrastination starts and you are going nowhere. You are spending way too much time doubting your capabilities (I know this too well)

Sometimes, you just need to take a break, recharge those batteries and come back to those goals with a fresh outlook; raring to go again.

Each step forward counts

Even taking a step back.

Reconnect.

Recharge.

Focus.

I know myself when that little seed of doubt starts growing, and those weeds start sprouting; I need to ask myself ” why is this happening?”

Conclusion

You are only human at the end of the day. Go easy on yourself, set realistic goals. Yes, it’s great to aim high, but “slow and steady wins the race” otherwise you burn out before you even reach the starting line!

Take action, set those goals and be kind to yourself. Look within. All the answers are there!

Break it down to a manageable plan of action for you. Use the SMART guide throughout the goal setting process to help.

We all go at our own pace. Listen to your gut.

How are you doing with your goals and are you losing focus?

Thank you for checking out my post and keep going. You’re doing great.

Categories
believe in yourself change growth life coaching motivation personal development success wellbeing

Change is a good thing, even if you have to jump out of your comfort zone!

Hello there you!

How do you feel about change? As in changing your career, your mindset, your eating habits, or taking up a new hobby. Change can mean many things. This year I became certified as a Life Coach, NLP Practitioner and Clinical Hypnotherapist. I was nervous when training started, but the more I became familiar with the course material and my training group, the more I warmed up to this change.

The process of change can be full of personal development and you discover more and more about who you are as a person and recognising strengths/weaknesses (as I am on this coaching path) Facing these challenges head on is a constant journey of growth and can pull you right out of your comfort zone.

Following your passion:

You hold the key to

Unlocking your full potential

Believe in yourself


I’ve always been passionate about encouraging, supporting and helping others; and finally plucking up the courage to sign up to an accredited course was a positive step towards that goal of pursuing the field of coaching.

What do you want to change in your life at the moment? How can you make that happen?


Have the courage to follow your

heart and intuition

Steve Jobs

I worked in a senior position within the corporate world for years and just never really felt fulfilled (when I reflect hard on that time). When my children were born I made the decision to stay at home with my little girls while they were still young, and it has been the best decision, in order to spend that quality time with them before they started school.

Embracing change and following your heart

Although change can be daunting, the more you follow your gut instinct, do your research and take your time; you realise that life really is short and you become clearer about what you really want.

Believe in yourself and how capable and worthy that you really are.

Two years ago I wasn’t a writer and now, I’m a published writer, poet, blogger and have written articles for positive wellbeing magazines and poetry zines. How did I move forward with my writing goals? I started to believe in myself and joined a writing club. Connecting with a community of like-minded writers is empowering. Joining a community with individuals who share your passions and interests can help you to grow and move forward.

Opening that door

Working hard to achieve your goals when it feels right will open that door to amazing opportunities when you allow yourself to do so.

It all comes down to ‘you’ at the end of the day!

Write a list of what you want to achieve within the next 6-12 months and work on those goals, while working on yourself. Make that decision; allowing yourself to embrace ‘change’.

What are you passionate about when you listen to your gut instinct?

Thank you for stopping by, have a great day and remember ‘change’ is a good thing! And, as the saying goes:

A change is as good as a rest”

It will open doors to wonderful opportunities!