Categories
growth health and wellbeing self esteem, personal development, motivation, acceptance

How learning to say no can build on your assertiveness, help to reduce stress and your people pleasing tendencies!

Sharing an old post of mine as it’s so important to remember this ❤️

Are you a people pleaser?

Do you find it hard saying no? Leading to overwhelm and stress from putting other peoples needs before your own?

Oh I could write so much about this topic!

You see, the thing is, I was a people pleaser, and when I look back to who I was 10 years ago: I cringe to the point where my face resembles a tomato (now that’s red)

The beauty about writing this post, is acknowledging the fact of how far I’ve come. Back in my people pleasing days and not being able to say no; low self-esteem and lack of assertiveness were definitely contributing factors to my people pleasing tendencies – therefore causing me stress. Do you relate to this? Exhausting isn’t it?

Overcoming people pleasing

So how do you learn to say no more? Am I now the master of saying no? Absolutely not, and you can’t say no all the time. But, it’s all about finding that balance and what suits you. But if you listen to your gut and know it doesn’t feel right; then it’s ok for you to set those healthy boundaries and say no.

Fear

With me it was “fear” of an awful argument breaking out (I’m not particularly fond of confrontation and would always build up how I really felt inside; the worst thing you can do) and would rather go ahead, stress the hell out of myself and plough along with appointments, get togethers, and making other people happy.

I remember a time where I was utterly exhausted (with working full-time and studying for a degree part-time) arranged to drive an hour after work to meet a friend to watch a play she was in, and all I wanted to do was rest and recharge my own batteries. Oh I went to that play and looking back, this lovely friend would have been ok If I said no (it was all down to my fear of an awful argument breaking out) 

Assertiveness and finally saying no!

The one person who needs your approval most is yourself. Start building on that relationship

Learning to say no, inner work and mindful practices

So how do you say no without feeling terribly guilty and stressed to the hilt?

  • Start to work on yourself first, listen to your gut and take your time. Start working on being more assertive.
  • Practice mindfulness to connect with your inner self (whatever mindful practices helps you). I’ve been doing so much of this and with that self-awareness, you tap right into your true inner self – reducing those stress levels. You might not be into mindfulness but it can help to reduce stress and be more in the present moment
  • Write it out (journaling is great for writing down those thoughts/emotions)
  • Practice breathing exercises; a great tool for stepping back and reconnecting with yourself.
  • Work with a coach or mentor to gain the right tools to help with your assertiveness.

It gets easier

Yes, learning to say no is hard, but the more you say it, the easier it gets over time and the less stressed/anxious you will become.

When I look back on a time where I was a big people pleaser, I just wasn’t aware I was doing it, and thought it was normal practice to get people to like you; seeking approval.

People pleasing is a trait many people have, for others saying no is so much easier.

Concluding thoughts

Remember to look out for you first. The more you work on yourself; then learning to say no and not pleasing others will become easier. It’s all about finding that right balance. Heck, I’m a Libra myself, and I work with those scales every single day.  Growing, learning, self-awareness and building yourself up to reach that balance.  Growth is a constant journey. You never stop learning/progressing/growing. And take your time with moving forward. You owe yourself that!

Do you want go become the best version of yourself for you and your loved ones?

Do you feel you are constantly pleasing others and putting their needs before your own?

Please do comment and share your views. I would love to hear.

It really is ok saying no. You and your wellbeing are always priority!

Be kind to yourself and keep moving forward at your own pace!

Categories
confidence coaching free coaching health and wellbeing holistic therapy wellbeing coach

**Free 1-1 Coaching Sessions to help with stress and building confidence (online) ** Read on to Find Out More…

Hello there you!

How is your day going? Are you feeling rested? Would you like to gain clarity and become more relaxed, focused, confident and happier In your daily life going forward?

If you’re a regular reader of my blog, you will know I certified as a coach earlier this year. Welcome, if this is your first visit (check out my home page http://www.bernieegerton.com to read more on the coaching experience, my credentials, blog posts and testimonials) and thank you to those of you who support, encourage and read my blog. I’m always grateful for this blogging community!

To build up more on my knowledge and practical coaching experience; I’m offering 2 free (online) coaching sessions per person, In a warm, friendly, safe and non-judgemental coaching environment.

Email below to arrange:

I look forward to hearing from you!

Have a great day, believe in yourself, your capabilities and follow your heart. You are always more than enough and remember that ❤

Categories
health and wellbeing health, inspiration life coaching personal development stress management Transformational coaching

Sleep. It’s importance and 8 ways to improve your sleeping patterns, for a healthier lifestyle!

Hello there you!

How are you feeling today and did you get a good night’s sleep?

Are you getting enough sleep per night in general; i.e between 7-9 hrs? Are you struggling to fall asleep at the moment?

It’s tough sometimes to get the right amount, especially if you’re a new parent isn’t it? Or you could be going through other major changes in your life; should it be at work, your relationships, college or moving home.

But, getting the right amount of sleep each night is so important in order to decrease those stress levels; and to keep your anxiety levels controlled.  I know myself by not getting those early nights (my youngest is an early riser!) I don’t feel myself. Your concentration is poor the next day, then you reach for the junk food and you lack the motivation to exercise or to move forward with your goals. Getting those early night’s in helps your overall wellbeing and to control stress/ low mood.

Health problems

Sleep problems could cause health issues such as high blood pressure, obesity, diabetes, depression,  heart disease and reduced immune system function (sleepfoundation).This is not surprising as you do reach for unhealthy options when it comes to food ( I do and I’m also too tired to exercise if I haven’t had a good night’s sleep). But, I make sure I get those 8 hrs sleep each night, so I’m more motivated/focused to eat a well balanced diet, to exercise properly and to be more productive the next day.

Statistics

Research has shown:

  • That 40% of aged 18-24 struggle to fall asleep at night (sleep foundation)
  • 33% of people above 55 in the UK also struggle to fall asleep (sleep foundation)
  • 22% of people in general in the UK struggle to fall asleep (NHS)
  • 7-19% of the overall population struggle to get enough sleep (national institute of sleep)
  • 50-70 million Americans have chronic sleep disorders.

Sleep problems during times of stress

What problems do you experience during times of stress? Low quality sleep can affect your physical and mental wellbeing if not controlled/managed. Prolonged sleep problems can cause health problems/diseases.

Common sleep disorders

  • Insomnia
  • Restless leg syndrome
  • Sleep Apnea
  • Narcolepsy
  • Sleep paralysis

During times of high stress I tend to get palpitations prior to falling asleep. I’ve also experienced sleep paralysis a handful of times during my life (now, if you’re aware of sleep paralysis then you know how terrifying that can be! Not pleasant is it?)

8 ways to improve sleep (Sleep Foundation, NHS)

  • Avoid Caffeine (a stimulant) and alcohol just before bed (at least 2hrs) as they can prevent you from falling asleep or going into a more deeper sleep
  • Exercise throughout the day but avoid it just before bed
  • Make sure your sleeping environment is dark, relaxed and with dim lights if you prefer a light on
  • Put away those gadgets – I know how distracting they are.  When I take mine to bed I’m scrolling and wasting valuable sleeping time (we’re all guilty of this aren’t we?) I always leave mine downstairs now.
  • If you’re feeling anxious, do a bit of writing before bed and let those worries out. It really helps.
  • Listen to a bit of relaxation music to help you drift off
  • Stick to going to bed at the same time each night so it becomes a habit/routine over time.
  • Invest in a sleep tracker if you’re really experiencing problems with sleep.

Do you like your tea/coffee before bed and can’t do without? Maybe try some calming lavender herbal tea instead – to help you drift into a more relaxed/calmer state just before bed.

Concluding thoughts

We often forget how important sleep is – especially when we’re running around and busy with life. But, it really is the foundation to leading a more healthier lifestyle. When tired/exhausted you reach for unhealthy foods and that Caffeine to keep you going and you lack the motivation to exercise. Your anxiety/stress levels increase and you are more prone to health problems in the future.

Take a step back, look at how your sleeping patterns are and adapt (using these tips I’ve shown throughout)

What tips do you have that helps you with sleep?

Thank you for stopping by to check out my post. And, here’s to you having a decent night’s sleep going forward!

Categories
anxiety believe in yourself goal setting growth mindset managing stress motivation personal development success

Inner strength. Keep going with your goals even if you need that break to recharge!

Hello there you!

Are you moving forward with your goals? Or has that little seed of doubt returned? You’re losing the motivation to move on and next thing you know procrastination kicks in.

When we set goals, we need a solid plan in place, written down, and a time-frame. Realistic goals. So you can work on that action plan.

Build it up slowly

Start off in baby steps (yes build it up nicely) and work on that confidence. Believe in yourself. Do all that inner work. Work on the relationship with yourself. Get to know your strengths and weaknesses, your passions and what drives you!

Ask yourself, what exactly is my plan? How can I make this achievable?

Focus

When I set my own goals, I am more focused/clear when I actually do it step by step. Sometimes you can get too carried away and want the whole shebang overnight. All these incredible thoughts/ideas running around in our heads. The next thing you know you’re overwhelmed, and that confidence dips, oh boy does it dip. When it gets to that stage, step back and ask yourself these questions:

  • How can I do this in a more manageable way?
  • What is stopping me from moving forward right now?
  • What have I learned?
  • How do I really feel?

Set realistic goals, then reassess over time. And if you are reaching those targets, then yes aim higher, go for it. Do it. It really is all in the planning.

Using the SMART guide to help with setting those goals

When setting goals just think of the following guide SMART to help throughout the process:

Specific

Measureable

Attainable

Realistic

Time-band

Overwhelm

When you become stressed/anxious our body goes into overdrive. Then the procrastination starts and you are going nowhere. You are spending way too much time doubting your capabilities (I know this too well)

Sometimes, you just need to take a break, recharge those batteries and come back to those goals with a fresh outlook; raring to go again.

Each step forward counts

Even taking a step back.

Reconnect.

Recharge.

Focus.

I know myself when that little seed of doubt starts growing, and those weeds start sprouting; I need to ask myself ” why is this happening?”

Conclusion

You are only human at the end of the day. Go easy on yourself, set realistic goals. Yes, it’s great to aim high, but “slow and steady wins the race” otherwise you burn out before you even reach the starting line!

Take action, set those goals and be kind to yourself. Look within. All the answers are there!

Break it down to a manageable plan of action for you. Use the SMART guide throughout the goal setting process to help.

We all go at our own pace. Listen to your gut.

How are you doing with your goals and are you losing focus?

Thank you for checking out my post and keep going. You’re doing great.

Categories
change clinical Hypnotherapy health and wellbeing holistic therapy life coaching managing stress

Clinical Hypnotherapy. A holistic therapy to help with your subconscious mind; changing those behaviours. And, it’s not acting out on a stage!

Hello there you!

What’s this about Hypnotherapy I hear you say? Controlling your mind, putting you into a deep trance while making you do all sorts of daft/silly things! Clinical Hypnotherapy is non of these stereotypical views.

Here’s the thing. Being a certified clinical hypnotherapist I can tell you that you always have control throughout a hypnotic state. You will always be aware, but are more focused and in a relaxed and calm state throughout.

During hypnosis, you are listening to direct suggestions (simple instructions from your hypnotist) in a guided, safe and relaxed environment with a trained professional, who wants nothing more than for you to have a good experience. However, you need to give it your full attention, and forget about those stresses in life for a short period of time.

So what exactly is hypnotherapy?

Hypnotherapy dates back to the late 18th century by Franz Mesmer and is a holistic therapy where you are working with the subconscious mind. So what is the subconscious mind? It’s basically everything that you have experienced throughout your life i.e what you have felt, seen, heard, learned and your beliefs. And, during hypnosis you are digging that little bit deeper when your mind is relaxed and the hypnotist has your full attention.

Think of it this way (you might already be familiar with Freud’s iceberg theory) and imagine the subconscious mind being the bottom of an iceberg where everything is stored and the tip is our conscious mind (current thought process, analytical thinking, aware of now, feelings of pain).

Clinical Hypnotherapy can help with certain behaviours and addictions. So how do people respond to Hypnotherapy? Around 80% can go into hypnosis, 10% are highly susceptible while 10% are non-susceptible.

By quieting your mind and learning

To induce a state of hypnosis, you can visualize

The you that you’ve always dreamed of

And make this a reality

William W. Hewitt

Hypnotherapy can be extremely beneficial to your health and wellbeing. Over a few sessions you should be able to feel the benefits completely. However, as I stated before; you have to go into Hypnotherapy wanting to change and with an open mind.

What can Hypnotherapy help with?

  • Insomnia
  • Stress
  • Self-esteem
  • Confidence
  • Anxiety
  • Phobias/fears
  • Weight management
  • Quitting smoking
  • Pain
  • IBS

Remember, it’s nothing to do with the hypnotist controlling you, but gently guiding you into a trance where you are fully aware and in control at all times. It is up to you in how the experience goes.

Have you tried Hypnotherapy and what has your own experience been like? Would love to hear!

During a session, you will always be in a safe environment, and make sure the hypnotist is certified to perform Hypnotherapy!

Have a great day and thank you for checking out my post!

And relax!

Categories
stress management, stress, health and wellbeing, life coaching, Transformational Coaching, work-life balance, personal development

Stress. Causes. And how to manage those stress levels; getting that spark right back!

Hello there you!

Are you feeling stressed? What are the signs when it raises it’s ugly head for you? Are you feeling tired, are you going through massive changes in your life at present? You probably have so much going on in your mind at the moment. Juggling way too many balls, would that be right?

Stats

According to the Mental Health Foundation UK, over 74% of adults have felt stressed and overwhelmed over the past year (this is no surprise with COVID). A high figure to the amount dealing with stress.

There really are so many contributing factors to raising those stress levels. I know myself when stress hits – as those palpitations start as I’m about to fall asleep at night (best to avoid caffeine if this happens)

So what is stress and what are the triggers?

It’s when your body goes into the fight and flight mode and as a result your cortisol levels go way way up. Cortisol is the main stress hormone and works with certain parts of your brain to control your mood (webmd). It also increases blood sugar and regulates blood pressure. 

Do you have a poor diet? Are you an overthinker? A perfectionist that compares yourself to others?What is your working environment and relationships like?  Are you sleep deprived? All these tend to make you more prone to stress (Oh I can tick quite a few myself but I’ve learned how to manage those levels and to recognise the signs)

Oh do I know when I’m stressed as I feel irritable, tired and just not myself. And, I always crave that chocolate, or junk food in general (and that raises those blood sugars to a high level) I always get a head cold and those beautiful little bad boys called ‘cold sores’ always make an appearance too! I know it’s time to slow down and look after my own body when I get all these symptoms. Getting a proper nights sleep really is the key!

So how do you manage stress?

  • Rest
  • Exercise regularly as it regulates blood sugar and lowers those cortisol levels  (even a long walk in nature or a swim. It doesn’t have to be strenuous)
  • Plenty of early nights (aim for at least 7 hrs)
  • Eat healthy foods i.e fruits, green leafy veg, eggs, yoghurt, wholemeal instead of white. Nuts, meat and oily seafood
  • Take a b vitamin
  • Journal and write it out
  • Avoid caffeine just before bed and limit the amount you take throughout the day
  • Take a break from social media if it affects your mood as that can be a big one (very guilty of that myself but I’m aware of it and have cut way down).
  • Breathing exercises are a great tool for pausing and to reconnect with yourself. Inhale deeply through the nose for 3 secs, exhale slowly through the mouth for 4 secs (give it a try)

Long term problems

Stress really can take it’s toll on the body, making the risks higher for hypertension, stroke, heart failure, digestive problems and many, many other problems (mayoclinic)

Listen to your body

Check in with yourself

For a more stress free life

You owe it your body and mind

Conclusion

If you are feeling stressed at the moment (oh there is so much going on in the world it really is inevitable at times to feel highly stressed and overwhelmed) take a step back, look at your diet, changes that are going on in your life and remember: REST, SLEEP, DIET and EXERCISE are all key to reducing stress and controlling your cortisol levels.

You owe it to your body and yourself.

How are your stress levels at present?

Be kind to yourself!

And breathe…

Categories
believe in yourself change growth life coaching motivation personal development success wellbeing

Change is a good thing, even if you have to jump out of your comfort zone!

Hello there you!

How do you feel about change? As in changing your career, your mindset, your eating habits, or taking up a new hobby. Change can mean many things. This year I became certified as a Life Coach, NLP Practitioner and Clinical Hypnotherapist. I was nervous when training started, but the more I became familiar with the course material and my training group, the more I warmed up to this change.

The process of change can be full of personal development and you discover more and more about who you are as a person and recognising strengths/weaknesses (as I am on this coaching path) Facing these challenges head on is a constant journey of growth and can pull you right out of your comfort zone.

Following your passion:

You hold the key to

Unlocking your full potential

Believe in yourself


I’ve always been passionate about encouraging, supporting and helping others; and finally plucking up the courage to sign up to an accredited course was a positive step towards that goal of pursuing the field of coaching.

What do you want to change in your life at the moment? How can you make that happen?


Have the courage to follow your

heart and intuition

Steve Jobs

I worked in a senior position within the corporate world for years and just never really felt fulfilled (when I reflect hard on that time). When my children were born I made the decision to stay at home with my little girls while they were still young, and it has been the best decision, in order to spend that quality time with them before they started school.

Embracing change and following your heart

Although change can be daunting, the more you follow your gut instinct, do your research and take your time; you realise that life really is short and you become clearer about what you really want.

Believe in yourself and how capable and worthy that you really are.

Two years ago I wasn’t a writer and now, I’m a published writer, poet, blogger and have written articles for positive wellbeing magazines and poetry zines. How did I move forward with my writing goals? I started to believe in myself and joined a writing club. Connecting with a community of like-minded writers is empowering. Joining a community with individuals who share your passions and interests can help you to grow and move forward.

Opening that door

Working hard to achieve your goals when it feels right will open that door to amazing opportunities when you allow yourself to do so.

It all comes down to ‘you’ at the end of the day!

Write a list of what you want to achieve within the next 6-12 months and work on those goals, while working on yourself. Make that decision; allowing yourself to embrace ‘change’.

What are you passionate about when you listen to your gut instinct?

Thank you for stopping by, have a great day and remember ‘change’ is a good thing! And, as the saying goes:

A change is as good as a rest”

It will open doors to wonderful opportunities!