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growth health and wellbeing self esteem, personal development, motivation, acceptance

How learning to say no can build on your assertiveness, help to reduce stress and your people pleasing tendencies!

Sharing an old post of mine as it’s so important to remember this ❤️

Are you a people pleaser?

Do you find it hard saying no? Leading to overwhelm and stress from putting other peoples needs before your own?

Oh I could write so much about this topic!

You see, the thing is, I was a people pleaser, and when I look back to who I was 10 years ago: I cringe to the point where my face resembles a tomato (now that’s red)

The beauty about writing this post, is acknowledging the fact of how far I’ve come. Back in my people pleasing days and not being able to say no; low self-esteem and lack of assertiveness were definitely contributing factors to my people pleasing tendencies – therefore causing me stress. Do you relate to this? Exhausting isn’t it?

Overcoming people pleasing

So how do you learn to say no more? Am I now the master of saying no? Absolutely not, and you can’t say no all the time. But, it’s all about finding that balance and what suits you. But if you listen to your gut and know it doesn’t feel right; then it’s ok for you to set those healthy boundaries and say no.

Fear

With me it was “fear” of an awful argument breaking out (I’m not particularly fond of confrontation and would always build up how I really felt inside; the worst thing you can do) and would rather go ahead, stress the hell out of myself and plough along with appointments, get togethers, and making other people happy.

I remember a time where I was utterly exhausted (with working full-time and studying for a degree part-time) arranged to drive an hour after work to meet a friend to watch a play she was in, and all I wanted to do was rest and recharge my own batteries. Oh I went to that play and looking back, this lovely friend would have been ok If I said no (it was all down to my fear of an awful argument breaking out) 

Assertiveness and finally saying no!

The one person who needs your approval most is yourself. Start building on that relationship

Learning to say no, inner work and mindful practices

So how do you say no without feeling terribly guilty and stressed to the hilt?

  • Start to work on yourself first, listen to your gut and take your time. Start working on being more assertive.
  • Practice mindfulness to connect with your inner self (whatever mindful practices helps you). I’ve been doing so much of this and with that self-awareness, you tap right into your true inner self – reducing those stress levels. You might not be into mindfulness but it can help to reduce stress and be more in the present moment
  • Write it out (journaling is great for writing down those thoughts/emotions)
  • Practice breathing exercises; a great tool for stepping back and reconnecting with yourself.
  • Work with a coach or mentor to gain the right tools to help with your assertiveness.

It gets easier

Yes, learning to say no is hard, but the more you say it, the easier it gets over time and the less stressed/anxious you will become.

When I look back on a time where I was a big people pleaser, I just wasn’t aware I was doing it, and thought it was normal practice to get people to like you; seeking approval.

People pleasing is a trait many people have, for others saying no is so much easier.

Concluding thoughts

Remember to look out for you first. The more you work on yourself; then learning to say no and not pleasing others will become easier. It’s all about finding that right balance. Heck, I’m a Libra myself, and I work with those scales every single day.  Growing, learning, self-awareness and building yourself up to reach that balance.  Growth is a constant journey. You never stop learning/progressing/growing. And take your time with moving forward. You owe yourself that!

Do you want go become the best version of yourself for you and your loved ones?

Do you feel you are constantly pleasing others and putting their needs before your own?

Please do comment and share your views. I would love to hear.

It really is ok saying no. You and your wellbeing are always priority!

Be kind to yourself and keep moving forward at your own pace!

Categories
confidence coaching goal setting inspiration life coaching marathon training motivation personal development wellbeing coach

Discipline, Self-Belief and Hard Work to Reach that Finishing Line!!

Hello there you!

Do you need the motivation and discipline to move forward with your goals?

Dublin Marathon 2013!

This is a photo of myself, my race bib and my medal after I ran and completed Dublin Marathon in 2013 (I ran my first Dublin Marathon in 2010)

How did I feel? Delighted, relieved, exhausted, sore, but proud!

How did I make this happen?

I spent 4 solid months training 6 days per week, booked a few 5k and 10k races as part of my training plan and followed a great marathon book (that book was my training and nutrition coach)

Now, I was working full-time and studying part-time too. How did I manage all this and was it a bit crazy? Heck, yes it was a bit crazy, but, I planned well and followed that 4 month plan to a tee. I had a great marathon training buddy (she kept me motivated and if you’ve trained for a marathon you will know how those long runs can be very lonely on your own) and had a supportive other half!

Looking back it was hard work (results always take determination, belief in yourself and discipline) and there were plenty of times where I felt like giving up, shed tears and my confidence was knocked. But, I would always focus on the end goal and visualized myself running over that finishing line. That picture was always in my mind.

If you want it, you can fly,

You just have to trust ‘you’ a lot

Steve Jobs

When you set goals, you need to have a structured plan, believe in yourself and then visualize it.

Give yourself a pep talk!

Whenever you lack the motivation to move forward with your goals, ask yourself:

  • What can I do differently?
  • Why did I start?
  • How can I make this work going forward?

Running a marathon is HARD WORK and you need to put in that time and commitment. Build yourself up and pace yourself.

Like everything, most of it is all in the mind. What you feed yourself mentally certainly affects your performance.

Be kind to yourself with that self-talk!

When you put in the work, then you get results. It’s all in the preparation, believing in yourself, doing the research and being disciplined.

Keep checking in with yourself and reflect.

Plan of action and final thoughts

I make sure I follow a plan, set goals, have a clear vision and I work hard at what I set out to achieve.

Should you be training for a marathon, working towards a big job promotion, changing career, wanting to lose weight or anything that involves commitment; you need to put in the work, be disciplined, prepare, plan and visualize that end result! But, being kind to yourself too.

  • What changes do you need to make going forward?
  • How can you make that change happen?

You can do whatever you put your mind to. Believe in yourself, lace up those trainers and get starting!

Categories
confidence coaching free coaching health and wellbeing holistic therapy wellbeing coach

**Free 1-1 Coaching Sessions to help with stress and building confidence (online) ** Read on to Find Out More…

Hello there you!

How is your day going? Are you feeling rested? Would you like to gain clarity and become more relaxed, focused, confident and happier In your daily life going forward?

If you’re a regular reader of my blog, you will know I certified as a coach earlier this year. Welcome, if this is your first visit (check out my home page http://www.bernieegerton.com to read more on the coaching experience, my credentials, blog posts and testimonials) and thank you to those of you who support, encourage and read my blog. I’m always grateful for this blogging community!

To build up more on my knowledge and practical coaching experience; I’m offering 2 free (online) coaching sessions per person, In a warm, friendly, safe and non-judgemental coaching environment.

Email below to arrange:

I look forward to hearing from you!

Have a great day, believe in yourself, your capabilities and follow your heart. You are always more than enough and remember that ❤

Categories
confidence coaching growth mindset life coaching

Growth Mindset. And, moving forward with those goals when you hit a standstill!

Hello there you!

Do you have a growth or a fixed mindset?

When you have a growth mindset, you are always looking at ways to improve yourself, your talents and you learn from your mistakes. You’re a sucker for learning new things. But, you’re not being too hard on yourself during the process either.

I used to be extremely hard on myself and if things didn’t go as planned, oh boy would I spend forever overthinking the situation, beating myself up; and my confidence would plummet. I believed if I wasn’t good at something, then that was it (fixed mindset).

But now, with a growth mindset I reflect on the situation, write in my journal (to process) have my own coaching (to gain clarity), take courses (learning) and practice gratitude daily

I’m constantly learning and brushing up on my skills to become better. Oh don’t get me wrong, there are days where low confidence comes knocking right on that door. I answer it, listen to it, question it; but I don’t spend time dwelling or entertaining those thoughts (not like I used to)

Personal development is huge to me, and part of my daily life. You learn, progress, reflect and grow. Every. Single. Day.

Ask yourself:

  • What areas need training/improving in my life?
  • How can I banish those limiting beliefs?
  • What little acts makes me feel positive?
  • What are my core values?

Moving forward when you hit a standstill

At times we might reach a standstill with our goals; therefore struggling to move forward. Am I good enough, what’s the point; and why do I not see instant results? Do these questions sound familiar?

Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving” – Albert Einstein

Remember, results take time – and don’t give up or lose heart. As the saying goes “Rome wasn’t built in a day” and it wasn’t. You are only human, and it’s really ok to have off days.

Get back on that horse, keep going, push through the pain barrier and remember why you started in the first place!

Visualise that end result.

Ask yourself:

  • How can I move forward with my goals?
  • Why am I losing confidence and doubting myself in the first place?
  • What action do I need to take?

Keep going and don’t give up!

Life is short. And, the more we spend worrying and doubting our capabilities, the more stressed we become and you avoid following your true path in life!

Change always starts with you, when you commit and believe! Keep learning, brush up on your strengths and take your time.

Believe in yourself, work from within and grow – just like that seed waiting to blossom and flourish  ❤

What can you do to move forward with your goals?

Thank you for stopping by and keep going!

Categories
stress management, stress, health and wellbeing, life coaching, Transformational Coaching, work-life balance, personal development

Stress. Causes. And how to manage those stress levels; getting that spark right back!

Hello there you!

Are you feeling stressed? What are the signs when it raises it’s ugly head for you? Are you feeling tired, are you going through massive changes in your life at present? You probably have so much going on in your mind at the moment. Juggling way too many balls, would that be right?

Stats

According to the Mental Health Foundation UK, over 74% of adults have felt stressed and overwhelmed over the past year (this is no surprise with COVID). A high figure to the amount dealing with stress.

There really are so many contributing factors to raising those stress levels. I know myself when stress hits – as those palpitations start as I’m about to fall asleep at night (best to avoid caffeine if this happens)

So what is stress and what are the triggers?

It’s when your body goes into the fight and flight mode and as a result your cortisol levels go way way up. Cortisol is the main stress hormone and works with certain parts of your brain to control your mood (webmd). It also increases blood sugar and regulates blood pressure. 

Do you have a poor diet? Are you an overthinker? A perfectionist that compares yourself to others?What is your working environment and relationships like?  Are you sleep deprived? All these tend to make you more prone to stress (Oh I can tick quite a few myself but I’ve learned how to manage those levels and to recognise the signs)

Oh do I know when I’m stressed as I feel irritable, tired and just not myself. And, I always crave that chocolate, or junk food in general (and that raises those blood sugars to a high level) I always get a head cold and those beautiful little bad boys called ‘cold sores’ always make an appearance too! I know it’s time to slow down and look after my own body when I get all these symptoms. Getting a proper nights sleep really is the key!

So how do you manage stress?

  • Rest
  • Exercise regularly as it regulates blood sugar and lowers those cortisol levels  (even a long walk in nature or a swim. It doesn’t have to be strenuous)
  • Plenty of early nights (aim for at least 7 hrs)
  • Eat healthy foods i.e fruits, green leafy veg, eggs, yoghurt, wholemeal instead of white. Nuts, meat and oily seafood
  • Take a b vitamin
  • Journal and write it out
  • Avoid caffeine just before bed and limit the amount you take throughout the day
  • Take a break from social media if it affects your mood as that can be a big one (very guilty of that myself but I’m aware of it and have cut way down).
  • Breathing exercises are a great tool for pausing and to reconnect with yourself. Inhale deeply through the nose for 3 secs, exhale slowly through the mouth for 4 secs (give it a try)

Long term problems

Stress really can take it’s toll on the body, making the risks higher for hypertension, stroke, heart failure, digestive problems and many, many other problems (mayoclinic)

Listen to your body

Check in with yourself

For a more stress free life

You owe it your body and mind

Conclusion

If you are feeling stressed at the moment (oh there is so much going on in the world it really is inevitable at times to feel highly stressed and overwhelmed) take a step back, look at your diet, changes that are going on in your life and remember: REST, SLEEP, DIET and EXERCISE are all key to reducing stress and controlling your cortisol levels.

You owe it to your body and yourself.

How are your stress levels at present?

Be kind to yourself!

And breathe…

Categories
believe in yourself change growth life coaching motivation personal development success wellbeing

Change is a good thing, even if you have to jump out of your comfort zone!

Hello there you!

How do you feel about change? As in changing your career, your mindset, your eating habits, or taking up a new hobby. Change can mean many things. This year I became certified as a Life Coach, NLP Practitioner and Clinical Hypnotherapist. I was nervous when training started, but the more I became familiar with the course material and my training group, the more I warmed up to this change.

The process of change can be full of personal development and you discover more and more about who you are as a person and recognising strengths/weaknesses (as I am on this coaching path) Facing these challenges head on is a constant journey of growth and can pull you right out of your comfort zone.

Following your passion:

You hold the key to

Unlocking your full potential

Believe in yourself


I’ve always been passionate about encouraging, supporting and helping others; and finally plucking up the courage to sign up to an accredited course was a positive step towards that goal of pursuing the field of coaching.

What do you want to change in your life at the moment? How can you make that happen?


Have the courage to follow your

heart and intuition

Steve Jobs

I worked in a senior position within the corporate world for years and just never really felt fulfilled (when I reflect hard on that time). When my children were born I made the decision to stay at home with my little girls while they were still young, and it has been the best decision, in order to spend that quality time with them before they started school.

Embracing change and following your heart

Although change can be daunting, the more you follow your gut instinct, do your research and take your time; you realise that life really is short and you become clearer about what you really want.

Believe in yourself and how capable and worthy that you really are.

Two years ago I wasn’t a writer and now, I’m a published writer, poet, blogger and have written articles for positive wellbeing magazines and poetry zines. How did I move forward with my writing goals? I started to believe in myself and joined a writing club. Connecting with a community of like-minded writers is empowering. Joining a community with individuals who share your passions and interests can help you to grow and move forward.

Opening that door

Working hard to achieve your goals when it feels right will open that door to amazing opportunities when you allow yourself to do so.

It all comes down to ‘you’ at the end of the day!

Write a list of what you want to achieve within the next 6-12 months and work on those goals, while working on yourself. Make that decision; allowing yourself to embrace ‘change’.

What are you passionate about when you listen to your gut instinct?

Thank you for stopping by, have a great day and remember ‘change’ is a good thing! And, as the saying goes:

A change is as good as a rest”

It will open doors to wonderful opportunities!

Categories
acceptance growth happiness health and wellbeing inspiration journaling, gratitude personal development poetry community

New Year, Staying Present and Focusing on the Small stuff…

Hello there you and Happy New Year!

How are you feeling after the festive season? Are you glad to be getting back into a more structured routine?  I’m looking forward to getting back into a more healthier routine (too many sweets/tipples, but I enjoyed it all, and the banter that went along with it)
I had such a lovely time back home in Ireland catching up with family, and my brother who I hadn’t seen in over 2 years due to Covid! I was grateful every day!

Present moment:

“It’s the feeling you get when you are able to be touched

By the simple things in life: watching a child playing,

The leaves falling from a tree”

Richard Carlson

When life stood tragically still in lockdown, I soaked up the outdoors, connecting so much with nature and my family.  I then started to crave nature and became more self aware. I soaked up those giggles from our girls; realising there is so much beauty out there and the free stuff like fresh air, fabulous beaches, sunsets and mountains: are all breathtaking views that are food for the soul! Absorbing the “present” moment!

When you stop striving for “perfection”, you  automatically start to slow down and realise all that beauty was right under your nose (while your mind was full of worry and busy from those to do lists, lots of unnecessary clutter taking up space in your mind)

Poetry outlet:

I wrote the following ‘etheree’ poem as a reminder to absorb those precious little moments…  Being present certainly is the way to do it. Sounds so easy doesn’t it? It is when you practice being present every day but you have to work on it, enjoying the simple little things in life, changing your thought process to a more “positive” way of thinking and being extremely grateful.

Grab it

It

Starts with

Fresh air. Free

Flawless. Simple.

But so powerful.

When you stop. Soak it up;

like sand soaking salty sprays,

gentle yet ferocious waves. The

present is all you have. Grab it, then

bottle it. Capturing every small bit!

Bernie Egerton

Enjoying that fresh air and watching the girls happy out at the beach!!
My eldest loves rolling down those sand dunes… Absorbing it all !

Growing from within, self-awareness being mindful and always learning; are the components to reaching that place of peace and happiness. Getting the most out of life for “you” and yours.

Work on ‘you’ and believe in yourself.  Trust me, the rest will follow!! 

Categories
growth poetry poetry community Uncategorized

Poetry and growth

So over the past 18 months I’ve fallen in love with reading and writing poetry as a creative outlet. This pandemic has opened my soul up to new experiences and coming out of my comfort zone by sharing my written pieces and also blogging/writing with pure honesty.

I’m so thankful for this and it really has been beneficial to my wellbeing, growth and being more present.

I wrote the following poem in response to a writing prompt from the mum poem press “I choose poetry because” for national poetry day on 7/10/21. It certainly sums up my relationship with poetry.

I choose poetry because…

It reaches the depth of my soul

Pulls on every heart string –

Every avenue is beautiful,

Breathtaking, painful, invigorating

Still, raw and full of growth.

I choose poetry because I had to,

It just happened.

Sometimes words flow; I can’t help it

Sometimes words are harder to find –

I dig deeper

I will choose poetry ” always”

Bernie Egerton

Poetry handbook to learn more about the art

Great poetry handbook to learn more about the art and from Mary Oliver, who was a beautiful poet ❤

Have you discovered poetry during these times and how has your relationship with poetry been? Or what have you discovered as a new hobby?

Thank you for taking the time to read my posts and have a beautiful day ❤🙏

Categories
relaxation

Visualization, connecting with nature and relaxation…

During a time when our busy lifestyle can make us feel tired, stressed and exhausted: taking time out for some mindful moments can help you to find that balance needed to reconnect with yourself. Visualization exercises are great for finding that balance needed and for a bit of ‘you’ time.

Connecting with nature:

A walk along the beach is so relaxing.  There’s something peaceful about being near the sea, listening to the swishing sound of that ocean, as your bare feet glides through those ripples. You can feel a sense of calm and connection to this beautiful environment, as you dip your toes into that water, feeling the smooth sand sinking under your grounded feet, being mindful throughout and soaking up that peaceful scene.

©️2020 Bernie Egerton
©️2020 Bernie Egerton

Its tough when you’re feeling anxious and trying to stay motivated and relaxed, especially during a global pandemic. Throughout lockdown, I found going for a brisk 20 minute walk outside and connecting with nature helped to clear my mind and reconnect with myself. Also being a mum, its important to have a bit of ‘you’ time, refreshing the mind and to relax if feeling overwhelmed.


©️2020 Bernie Egerton

Relaxation exercises are helpful if you are having trouble relaxing or sleeping. I’ve been practicing vizualization exercises on occasions where I struggle to fall asleep at night. Helping me to focus and relax while taking deep breaths throughout.


Visualization exercise:

The following technique, can help anytime when you’re feeling stressed. it can be very beneficial, especially after a busy day!

  • Close your eyes
  • Inhale deeply for 3 seconds
  • Exhale for 4 seconds
  • Visualize the soothing swishing ocean and the scene of that calming beach
  • Repeat, inhaling for 3 seconds and exhaling for 4 seconds

Deep breaths

Visualize

Relax…

Take some time out during periods of stress for relaxation exercises to recharge those batteries. You deserve it!

©️ 2021 Bernie Egerton

Categories
personal development

Each Step Forward Counts on This Journey…

In a time of uncertainty, each step forward does count, even if you take a step back some days. Its hard when you’re on a journey like no other. You’re human, we all are, and on this rocky road together (with lots of splinters along the way).

In a time when going to the shops was a simple little task, not having to worry about sanitizing, wearing a mask and social distancing. Now we have all these little added extras to remember. A walk along the street dodging other walkers, keeping that distance and missing a tight hug from family and friends and a chat over coffee…

I know there are times where you think its like groundhog day (it is) and nothing to look forward to. But focus on what gives you comfort and joy. Maybe a blast of your favourite music, a funny show on netflix, a jog or a bit of new-found creativity. Whatever gives you that ‘bit’ of joy.

Some days you dont have to juggle everything and expect to be this ‘perfect’ person. Nobody is.

Remember. Each step counts, forward and back.

YOU’VE got this. And keep going


Inner Strength –

Every step counts

Keep going

YOU’VE got this

connectwithpoetry.com